Baby Makes Three?

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Post written by marriage columnist Susanne Alexander of Marriage Transformation.

An earthshaking event for a marriage can be discussing whether to have your first baby. Not to mention actually adding a child to the mix.

Going from two in the family to three is one of those “forever” changes.

You as a couple will always be connected, no matter what happens to your relationship. So, beginning to discuss adding a baby to the mix can raise questions about the state of your marriage:

  • Is our marriage healthy enough, strong enough, and happy enough to support a baby?
  • How will we maintain our marriage during pregnancy and after a baby is born?
  • Do we have confidence in our ability to be cooperative parents?
  • Are we willing to sacrifice some of what gets our time and attention now, and give it to a baby instead?

Sometimes couples faced with these types of questions experience a crisis of confidence in their marriage. Couples can benefit from a marital strengthening process during this time.

Some actions that can help are:

Re-visiting positive memories from your courtship and early marriage. These memories will help to strengthen your feelings of love towards one another and help you be united.

Taking a weekend marriage workshop or a series of evening classes. Also consider getting a marriage check-up assessment done with coaching for areas that need strengthening. Every marriage has room to grow, and before adding children is a great time to deepen your knowledge and build your skills. You can learn to communicate better, express love more effectively, and manage differences. This time of education and learning will give you ideas to apply during pregnancy and the early years of your child’s life.

Going away for a romantic weekend. Sometimes it helps to be in a different environment for in-depth conversations. Time away can give you the perspectives that you need about your importance to one another.

Talking to another couple who has successfully negotiated this challenge.  Definitely look around to see what your support system is. You might be surprised to find out your friends or family members have gone through a similar situation and can encourage you or give you helpful advice.

Learning how you will parent together. If you are having doubts about your ability to parent together, it would be good to seek parenting education classes and books to discuss. Look after someone’s children together and assess the experience. The more harmonious you are in rearing your children, the happier your home will be.

Taking the time needed for family. If your time commitments feel overwhelming and very important now, you may question the choice to have a child. You may be thinking that it is just too much to take on. Do some visioning together of your future and what having and rearing a child will be like. Go to the future and imagine having grandchildren and companionship as you age. What can you do with the work and community service responsibilities you have now? Can you delegate some of them? Re-negotiate the time commitments? What can you do to put your marriage and family higher on the priority list?

Don’t panic if you start to feel uncertain about having a child together.

Take these positive steps forward to a happy marriage and family.

~~~~~

Need help? Try out one of the Marriage Sparks courses today!

Baby Makes Three? is a post from: Simple Marriage

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Source:Baby Makes Three?

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3 Tips For Dealing With Controlling Women

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“Nothing is more terrible than activity without insight.
~ Thomas Carlyle

Now, I’m sure that you don’t wake up and think, “I would just love to date a controlling woman! That would be so much fun!” Yet you continue to find yourself with a woman who at times is demanding, nagging, complaining, and just acting downright bossy. Despite this, controlling behavior is simply a natural extension to a woman’s personality, just like drinking a cold beer, zoning into a sports game, or playing a video game is to you after a hard day’s work.

Since we have established that controlling women are everywhere, let me help you identify this behavior and show you how to minimize it.

Recognize controlling behavior is simply a signal that a woman is feeling insecure. She may feel a threat to her sense of self, her emotional state, or your relationship with her. Therefore, the controlling behavior creates a sense of security in her world, which stems from her temporary inability to trust you or herself. In her mind, it’s easier to hone in on you rather than look at her own insecurities. Ultimately, she needs her emotional security restored. She needs to regain that certainty with her sense of self, emotional state, or relationship with you. So, what are specific things you can do to prevent and manage controlling behavior?

Set Your Own Boundaries

A woman will use controlling behavior to test the limits of your personal boundaries. This will allow her to gauge your level of self-respect thereby equally matching it. Therefore, high levels of respect for yourself will be matched with high levels of respect from her. Your self-respect represents and re-enforces a boundary for her. So, by maintaining and increasing your self-respect, you prevent and decrease her attempts at controlling behavior.

A woman can also continue to push your limits until other boundaries are imposed on her. Most often, women who do this are testing to discover if you are willing to enforce such boundaries. Think of a small child who sees how much they can “act up” or “get away with something” before there are consequences. And, depending on a woman’s maturity level (because some women still act like children and some are more mature) it’s very important you set and enforce boundaries on her. For example, when she barks an order at you, decide if and when you would consider doing it. Don’t automatically assume that you HAVE to do it because she told you to. Her views and opinions are only supplements to your final decision. You are your own man. And especially in the beginning (attraction phases) no matter what happens, you stand by your decision. In this way, you are teaching her how to treat you. You are creating and maintaining boundaries that inspire and perpetuate her respect for you.

Call Her Out On Her Controlling Behavior

The truth is some women are consistently getting away with their bad behavior. Some know it and others don’t. So, when you come into her life, you can distinguish yourself from all the other men she is surrounded with by being one of the few men to ever call her out. Even though she may whine, rebel, scowl, complain, or pout when you call her out, she will internally experience your assertiveness as exciting, refreshing, and attractive. So, the next time she has a temper tantrum, starts ordering you around, or takes the lead, use that as an opportunity to call her out on her games. Use that as an opportunity to regain the leadership position. Use that as an opportunity to tease and connect with her. This will make you unique in her world. Trust me, if she doesn’t appreciate you for it in the moment, she will appreciate you for it later!

Give Her What She Really Needs

As I mentioned previously, when a woman is acting controlling, it’s usually because there an underlying need that is currently unmet. About 90% of the time, this will be an insecurity she feels about something, which she is displacing onto you. What she really needs to feel is your grounding presence: that you are a real man who understands her and her games. She by no means wants you to bend because of her controlling behavior. In fact, giving in to her is how you lose.

The only real way you can truly win is to not give in to her controlling behavior and to directly address the unstated need. Most of the time when a woman acts controlling, there is something else on her mind. She will most likely just need to express, vent, and release any negative energy that has built up in her. Once she has done this, she will no longer have the urge to act controlling with you. All you have to do is listen and be present for her. This will be enough for her to alleviate any stress, tension, or anxiety that she may be experiencing. You don’t have to give her solutions. You don’t have to take everything she says personally. By doing so, all of it will reveal your ability to look past her games, address her unspoken need for security, and resolve the true problem: her insecurity.

Final Thoughts

So, remember that she is not crazy, she is a woman. She experiences the world differently than you. She handles stress differently from you. She processes her emotions differently. Additionally, there are times where she may be more controlling and demanding than others. Just remember, sometimes she wants to be the little girl she hardly ever gets to be. She will need to talk with you, hug you, or lean on you. By understanding the real reason why she is acting controlling, you can take your ego out of the equation and really know how to give her what she needs. What she needs is a real man who can see through all her games, appreciate her for who she truly is, and be her true pillar of strength. And that my friend, can be you!

I’ve had my say, now it’s your turn!

Hot Alpha Female

 

 

 

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Source:3 Tips For Dealing With Controlling Women

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Positivity in Action: Falling Off the Grid

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I live in a rural area of Oregon, so when storms hit as they do here in the Northwest, it is not unusual for my home to be disconnected from the grid for a week or more.  It’s a weird thing to live in the middle of the grid, but not be connected to it.  In some deep ways your life can’t really go forward. You are in your home, but unable to take advantage of living in it.  My memory of it is a form of being dis-embodied. The other powerful memory I still carry is  how easy it is to take the whole grid thing for granted.  Kind of like the ozone layer,  we only started to notice how well it functioned and protected us after it was broken.

In this country, we are so accustomed to running water, that we hardly give this gift a thought, except to grumble  about the increasing costs of keeping it going.  It is worth a pause to consider the millions of man hours that went into creating this energy grid that we live in. Then, for the next moment, imagine living on another continent where the grid is barely established and the majority go to bed with the sun and carry water for miles, assuming they can get it.

We are a lucky bunch living within the power grid, however outdated it might be.  I grew up in New York, and while I have no memory of any storm  like this in my life time, I do remember that New York is not the place that taught me about patience.  The crowds of New York teach you to be tough and stand up for your own, so I am not surprised that the grumbling has been reaching proportions that require police protection for the gas lines or outside of the power companies.

The spokesperson for the New Jersey power authority said yesterday that they had to remove over 45,000 trees to repair the service in their area so far. It takes time to repair power grids, especially because we don’t really spend the time,  attention and resources to fix them until they are really broken.  With the realities of global warming and the storm capacity they will create upon us, how about this for an idea: lets put half the country back to work rethinking our power grid.

Let’s dig deep, create jobs and bury the lines.  Let’s invent new technology to show where they break.  What if we remember our generation as the ones who created the power grid of the future?  Maybe we could even recycle our old power grid supplies for those countries that never grumble when the lights go out, because they don’t have any lights.

For those thousands of friends who are walking around their lives, waiting for it to turn back on, I send my deepest compassion for how hard it is to wait for normalcy.  When you consider how to be patient for the hours or days left in this vigil, keep this one thought in mind: how can I not make this worse?  If you could only find one way to not make it work, you will find a new level of patience that will warm your heart even when your heat won’t go on.

Source:Positivity in Action: Falling Off the Grid
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So Close

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“We are people who need love, because love is the soul’s life, love is simply creation’s greatest joy.”  -Hafiz

 

All the great spiritual teachings are founded on love. For thousands of years, the mystics have been teaching the truth of our deep connection to this conscious universe, which is the source of all love and often called God.  Quantum physics has demonstrated the truth of these ancient teachings not only through the interconnection of all living things as energy, but even more deeply in the mirroring of space and time within each of us. It turns out that the vast expanses of energy, of which reality is constructed, exist both in the cosmos and the trillions of synapses in each human brain. To embrace this truth changes everything, for we experience our deepest knowing here- that the source of love is not out there, in some far off distant galaxy, but rather is so profoundly close, closer even than our most intimate experiences.

Our universal longing to feel heard and the profound sense of relief we experience when we feel “felt” by someone speaks to this deep connection of love that transcends the immediate efforts of communication and transforms the intimate exchange into a timeless moment, an unforgettable memory that lives in us on a cellular level. When we are heard we are changed, the relationship is transformed –both healed and inscribed in a presence that moves us beyond the space and time in which it took place. We resist this recognition as much as we ache for it, because we know that some part of our belief in our separation is permanently eroded and with it, some part of our ego dies. This profound closeness is where we are held and also free falling. We are no longer in control of the outcome. Letting go of how our constructed reality is at once fearful and freeing. Replacing our individual sense of self with an abiding connection is a kind of death, at least to the life we are living before.

Our hunger for orgasmic sexual union is the body’s expression of this same longing to feel “felt.” Research into orgasm has verified that many people experience the profound orgasmic intimacy as a timeless moment of connection that reaches far beyond the two bodies entwined. This window of pleasure encourages our physical boundaries to disintegrate and creates an experience of union with all of life energy. It is no wonder that it has been called the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden because historic religious leaders understood that with this power to find divine connection, religious practice would be superfluous. It remains the reason that religion generally disapproves of sexuality; they have never trusted humanity with this kind of direct contact with the Divine.

And yet, it is hardly necessary for religions to condemn the divine connection available to us through our deepest intimacy, because often we are our own worst enemy. More than one great master has reminded his students that all of the stories, denials, arguments and even wars that we generate in the brief precious time we have to love is nothing more than our fleeing the direct connection to this divine truth of existence. Ancient teachings offer a multitude of techniques to quiet the mind, all of which are useful in learning to listen for the closest, quietest voice inside.   Most helpful of all is cultivating the courage to stay with your own emotional reality. Teach a child you know how to name their feelings and follow suit. Drop the story line and experience the strength of moving through pain, grief and loss. Staying in the present of our own experience is the how of it- both preparing and opening to the divine truth of your connection to everything. Just remember how close it really is.

 

Source:So Close
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Why Arguments Spiral Out of Control in Relationships

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When you are in the heat of an argument, your brain seems to be fixed on “hot,” doesn’t it? It’s not just you.

Your brain clusters memory by emotions, explained a recent article by SmartRelationships.org. What this means is that when we are sad, all we can recall at that moment are sad memories. When we are angry, we can only recall moments when we were angry. When we are happy, we recall only happy memories. “This explains why arguments can so easily descend into a long list of past offenses.”

You’ve been there, right? During the disagreement, you can’t remember all the good reasons you married your spouse. You can’t access your positive feelings. This is why saddle bagging (bringing up old hurts and conflicts) is so common. You suddenly have access to all these negative memories that were hidden to you before the argument.

What can you do to counter this tendency? Waiting a little while to allow yourself to gain perspective can help you return to a happier place where you can access positive memories again.

This concept of memory clustering is a relatively new concept for me, and one I think we would do well to remember ourselves and to educate others about when they are in conflict, especially older kids and teens. “Let them know that when it seems like the end of the world, it’s only the brain being unable to access memories from a different emotional state,” according to SmartRelationships.org.

What this has to do with is developing resilience and emotional intelligence in your marriage. Sometimes you have to “unstick” your mind by focusing on something else, or by being willing to step away until you are calm. You can help increase resilience in your marriage by offering care and support and by developing a better ability to manage strong feelings and impulses.  You can only control your own reactions and behavior.

Remember that if you both didn’t care so much you wouldn’t be as upset as you are about your differences. After calming down, take time to listen and focus on effective communication (not just getting your point across). Focus on your goal of working through the issue toward better understanding for the future, rather than focusing on “winning” the argument.

What goes through your mind during the heat of an argument? Is this issue of memory clustering harder for you or your spouse to get past?

Lori Lowe is the author of First Kiss to Lasting Bliss: Hope & Inspiration for Your Marriage. It tells the inspiring, true stories of couples who used adversity to improve their marriages–from overcoming drug addiction to cancer, infidelity, religious differences, family interference and infertility, among many others. It’s available at Amazon.com and in all e-book formats at www.LoriDLowe.com.

Photo courtesy of Liz Noffsinger/Freedigitalphotos.net.

Source:Why Arguments Spiral Out of Control in Relationships

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Confessions From The Erotically Challenged

Post written by Dr. Corey Allan

So my wife and I have had the realization that we are/were erotically challenged.

But, thankfully, we’re a work in progress.

Through the course of our 19 year marriage, we’ve had some good sexual encounters, even some great ones, but these were more the exception than the rule.

So we began wondering and discussing why.

As I’ve written before, sex is a language. Sex is also leftovers.

Within each couple it plays out like this: there are certain things that you are not comfortable doing, and there are things your partner is not comfortable with, so you will do whatever is leftover.

It’s sex according to the lowest common denominator.

While there’s nothing really wrong with this, it can create a fairly utilitarian and boring sex life over the long haul.

Think about the times you and your partner have sex.

How would you categorize it?

You will fall into one of three categories.

The sexually dysfunctional.

The sexually functional.

The blessed few.

The interesting thing is, most people think that other people are actually having better sex than them. It’s like we have this idea that other couples are swinging from the chandeliers and are wildly passionate and erotic.

When actually, there are very few couples that comprise the blessed few.

Hence the name – blessed few.

The reason there are few couples who discover this category is it takes a tremendous amount of growth, maturity, intimacy, eroticism, passion, to enter the realm of the blessed few. And often this isn’t even possible until you’ve grown up more and developed as a person.

I believe you couldn’t handle a blessed few type of relationship when you’re young.

There’s not enough you present yet.

This is why research continually shows that sexual satisfaction is higher in married couples who’ve been married longer. Age (or cellulite or wrinkles) and sexual satisfaction are positively correlated.

Don’t believe me – answer me this: Are you a better lover now than you were early in your marriage?

I bet your answer is yes.

But even claiming you’re a better lover will only last for so long. What about your raw sexuality? Your erotic nature? How in tune are you with this side of you?

If you’re at all like me, you’ve barely scratched the surface of this side of your sexuality.

Part of the reason for this is it’s part of a developmental process.

Like I stated earlier, it’s extremely difficult to tap into the erotic, raw sexual nature within us when we’re young.

At this point, it comes across all machismo and testosterone smothered. It’s really not all of your being yet. It lacks the depth and solidness that makes up the intimacy required to connect with a full grown, sexually awakened, erotic woman. It’s been stated that the reason God gave young men the ability to become almost instantly erect is so they’ll at least have something to offer in bed.

A grown up, healthy woman is going to want more than an instant erection!

The other reason is our social, religious, cultural, and family upbringing.

Most men today (myself included) were raised to be the “nice guy” or the “good boy.” While I don’t want to go too in-depth about this, it is important to note that in most religious/Christian/spiritual circles, a majority of the men fall into this category.

Research I’ve found on this issue shows that women like to date the “bad boy,” but they want to marry the “good guy.” While I completely understand this, what happens years down the road when the “good guy” becomes … frankly … boring.

Especially in bed.

And due to the nature of systems, this likely will stunt the growth and development of the woman’s sexuality as well.

So when you couple this with the fact that many women already suffer from their own insecurities about their sexuality, you’ve got a recipe for routine, monotonous, boring sex. Sex made up of leftovers.

And you’ve also set up the scenario where you both begin to believe that “vacation sex” is as good as it can get.

Is this just me or are there others in the same boat?

I’m working to take up residence in the camp of the blessed few. And now that my wife and I have over 19 years experience with each other, perhaps we can.

If you’re interested in applying this journey to your relationship, one step is joining Sex On Sundays – enrolling begins Thursday!

http://sexonsundays.net

Confessions From The Erotically Challenged is a post from: Simple Marriage

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The power of sincerity …

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Insincerity is always weakness; sincerity even in error is strength.
~ George Henry Lewes

Sincerity is like this lost form of connecting and communicating these days. We are constantly being lied to all the way from our politicians to our moms (who told you dating would be easy). And, most importantly we lie to ourselves. Telling ourselves that “It’s not really that bad” or “That’s not really what’s happening” or “That you gave it your best shot” when you know deep down you really gave it a half assed attempt.

But today, is not really going to be about you. I will say that part of becoming the best man you can be is going to require you to get really honest with yourself. When you can take honest assessments of where you are in your life and what you would like to improve (without the self-criticism or blame) then you can really start to move your life forward.

So, aside from that little note – this post is not about you. It is more about the importance of being sincere with the women that you interact with.

Most “gurus” who talk about attraction or picking up women will kind of dodge around this subject. This is however, something that I have come back to time and time again.

Sincerity helps develop trust with a woman. And, trust (as we all know) is the foundation of attraction. Because if she doesn’t feel safe around you, then you’ve got no more air time to demonstrate otherwise.

So, what does sincerity actually entail?

It means that you are honest and upfront about your intentions. Let me ask you this … Have you ever “beat around the bush” with a woman? You know like wanted to get her number, ask her out on that date, or move in for the kiss but did EVERYTHING ELSE except what you really wanted to do?

Part of following through on your intentions is reminding yourself of what you really want. When you get a woman’s number and are texting her it’s not because you wanted to talk about random sitcoms on TV or ask her about her day (every day). You got her number because you wanted to get her out on the date.

When you get a woman out on that date the main objective is to see if there is chemistry between you to and then get another chance to see her again. You didn’t go on the date to just hang, be her buddy, her bank, or her emotional cushion. So, keeping your FIRST intentions in mind is very important. Don’t lose focus of the goal.

Now, what happens if you are constantly beating around the bush with women? They will either be creeped out or lose interest. It’s that simple.

So, I know some of you may be thinking, “But what if I’m too forward and I blow her out of the water?” It’s also true if you “show all your cards” that a woman can also lose interest. So, what you have to find is a happy medium in between the two. It requires a bit of finesse.

Finding the Finesse …

So, here are some guidelines to help you through the process:

1.When a woman is clearly interested in you then being forward will actually be appreciated.

2. When you do show your intentions clearly, don’t let her reaction (good or bad) have a visible emotional response on your behalf. So, that means when she says yes – don’t start jumping around and acting like a kid in a candy store. And, when she says no – don’t look like someone just ran over your dog. Answer in a way that looks like you anticipated her response and knew what she was going to say.

3. Sometimes stating the obvious can help a woman relax. For example if you approach a woman at a bar you can say, “Ok, so I know you think that I’m trying to hit on you right now, but really it’s because I’m trying to protect you from all the other creepy men in the bar”.
Most likely she will give you a smile and say something along the lines of, “Oh is that so?”
To which you reply, “No not really, I just wanted to talk to you”.
A conversation like this has a playful flow to it, but it’s sincere and some of your cards (but not all) are showing on the table.

4. If you are more upfront about your intentions then it will lead the way for a woman to be more upfront about hers.

5. In tricky situations sincerity helps clear up the air. By tricky situations I mean: dating co-workers, your boss, teacher; or transiting from a friend to a guy she would date etc.

I often get emails from guys talking about different types of these situations. Most of you talk about the mixed and confusing signals you are getting from this woman. More than likely this occurs because the woman is a little freaked out by the change in behavior and doesn’t know what to do about it. So, in these situations it’s better to be forward and clear about your intentions. That way, when a woman is sitting on the fence she has to pick a side and knows what she is getting into.

As a side note: It can really creep a woman out when you hide her true intentions under a cover I.e she is your work colleague and you ask her out for a “work” lunch or meeting and then proceed to act like it’s a proper date …… Yeah, that’s not cool. Whip up the confidence to get her out on a proper date whilst making your intentions CRYSTAL clear.

And this leads me to my final point:
It’s OK to let a woman know that you are interested in her and that you are actively pursuing her!

This is a much better option that beating around the bush or trying to be more mysterious then you really are. State your intentions proudly. State them unapologetically. And, state them confidently. Most importantly if you are in limbo land – then push her off that fence.

I’ve had my say, now it’s your turn.

Hot Alpha Female

Source:The power of sincerity …

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12 Great Communication Tips from Ronald Reagan to use in Your Marriage

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With the U.S. Presidential election only days away, and both parties not shy about bringing up their fondness for Ronald Reagan, it seemed an appropriate time to talk about The Great Communicator. Thankfully, this post has nothing to do with politics, and everything to do with marriage.

As we’ve turned the corner into November with the holidays fast approaching, I wanted to share a bit about the treasure that former President Reagan left not to our nation, but to his wife, Nancy. She kept a huge collection of personal love letters that he wrote her over the years of their marriage. She’s shared many artifacts with his national library and along with telling their story, shares many letters in the book “I Love You, Ronnie.”

Ronnie, as she affectionately called him, wore his heart on his sleeve where Nancy was concerned, and wrote almost daily affirmations to her wherever he was. His heartfelt notes are a lasting legacy, especially to his wife. They were a reminder of his love after Alzheimer’s disease prevented him from communicating it as he so eloquently did, and of course are a great remembrance for her after his death in 2004.

In our throwaway era of fast communication, Nancy says it’s “all too easy never to find the time to write letters,” calling this a great pity. She decided to share his letters to allow others to see how wonderful it can be to express what you feel to those you love.

So here are some ideas and excerpts to inspire you. This season, don’t think of the daunting task of writing one perfect love letter. Instead, select at least three different days this season where you write in a card or jot a note, or attach a letter to a gift, expressing love to your spouse.  Here are some techniques he frequently used:

  1. Sometimes he used silly pet names like Nancy Poo, Nancy Pants, Mommie or Career Girl, and other times he used formal names like First Lady or Mrs. Reagan. He signed them also with personal nicknames (Pauvre Petite Papa) or more formal names (The Guv, Mr. President). But he seemed to always view these terms with endearment and a twinkle in his eye. For example, on leaving the Governor’s office, he said, “’Lame duck’ or ‘ex’ you are still my first lady—now more than ever.” Tip: Use personal terms that will make your spouse smile.
  2. He varied the length and format of his letters from writing a note in a greeting card (which he frequently gave) to scribbling a note with a doodle or writing a long note on White House stationery. He often used hotel stationery, and there are examples from The Plaza Hotel in New York to Plankington House in Milwaukee. Tip: As you look back, writing on a postcard or hotel letterhead can convey the memories from trips or places you lived.
  3. His notes were nearly all hand written, except when sent by telegram. Texts and emails written with heart are certainly welcome today, but try to make the three special notes for this season hand written. Tip: Even if your handwriting is messy, write your special notes by hand.
  4. Some letters included literary references. For example, “Browning I’m not, but believe me I do love you to the breadth and depth of all my being…” You might think it sounds cheesy, but I bet Nancy liked it. I was more impressed by his reference to Anne of Green Gables, although he misspelled her name. “Just think:  I’ve discovered I can be fond of Ann Blyth because she and her Dr. seem to have found something of what we have.” Tip: Use songs or books or movies that mean something to the two of you, especially if you have a hard time coming up with romantic language on your own.
  5. He sometimes included a gift, and often included a funny note or explanation. Tip: It can be a small treat or something more extravagant, but a gift accompanied by a note is always fun.
  6. He sometimes included personal memories or stories of their early days.  Tip: Sharing personal memories helps bring back the memories and feelings of those passionate days.
  7. He was constantly telling Nancy how much he loved her, adored her, missed her, and needed her. Do you think she ever got tired of it? Here’s one example: “I’ve always loved and missed you, but never has it been such an actual ache…I’m all hollow without you.” Tip: Don’t be afraid to share your feelings. Work hard to express your love.
  8. He never missed a special note for Valentine’s Day, anniversary, Christmas, birthdays, Mother’s Day, etc. He sometimes treated ordinary days like a holiday, and holidays like an every day. For example, on their March anniversary in 1963, he wrote, “This is really just an ‘in between’ day. It is a day on which I love you 365 days more than I did a year ago and 365 days less than I will a year from now. But I wonder how I lived at all for all the 365s before I met you. All my love, Your Husband.” Tip: Any day is a great day to give a note. Try to take a little extra care on special days.
  9. He used a letter to make up at least once, although Nancy says they rarely argued. And after reading it, I don’t know many women who could stay mad. Here’s an excerpt:

“A few days ago you told me I was angry with you. I tried to explain I was frustrated with myself. But later on I realized that my frustration might have been a touch of self-pity, because I’d been going around feeling that you are frequently angry with me. No more. We are so much ‘one’ that you are as vital to me as my own heart—with one exception; you could never be replaced with a transplant. Whatever I treasure and enjoy—this home, our ranch, the sight of the sea—all would be without meaning if I didn’t have you. I live in a permanent Christmas because God gave me you.”

    Tip: Sometimes saying I’m sorry in a letter allows your  apology to sink  in. And the other words of love and affirmation can’t hurt.

  1. He often shared with her his daily frustrations of work or being separated, just daily details and things that upset him. Tip: Sharing these frustrations and letting your spouse into your life and thoughts can help keep you feeling close.
  2. He sometimes played with words or used analogies. He referred to their wedding day as the day he received a heart transplant. And he often expressed surprise at how the happy years have flown by. “Others would have you believe we’ve been married 20 years. 20 minutes maybe—but never 20 years. It is a known fact that a human cannot sustain the high level of happiness I feel for more than a few minutes—and my happiness keeps on increasing.” Tip: Use language in different ways, or use a play on words.
  3. He knew best how to keep it simple. One favorite letter on White House stationery Nancy kept framed for many years over her desk read:

I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
And besides that–
I love you.

Instead of roaming the malls for the perfect gift, spend a little time remembering the days when you first fell in love. Share your feelings from the early days and from today.  Repeat regularly.

What tips do you think you will use for your next love letter?

Lori Lowe is the author of First Kiss to Lasting Bliss: Hope & Inspiration for Your Marriage. It tells the inspiring, true stories of couples who used adversity to improve their marriages–from overcoming drug addiction to cancer, infidelity, religious differences, family interference and infertility, among many others. It’s available at Amazon.com and in all e-book formats at www.LoriDLowe.com.

Photo source: Ronald Reagan Library

Book Source: I Love You, Ronnie:  The Letters of Ronald Reagan to Nancy Reagan

Source:12 Great Communication Tips from Ronald Reagan to use in Your Marriage

Want to make your man commit willingly, gladly, and not pull away? Go CLICK HERE”>

Spouse treat you badly at times?

Are there times when you wonder how married life unfolded to this point?

Times when you’re completely perplexed by someone you love treating you the way they do?

Things in relationship don’t evolve the way they do by chance.

A truism to remember …

You teach people how to treat you.

If things in your marriage (and life) aren’t the way you’d like them to be – try teaching those around you a better way to treat you.

This starts by learning to treat yourself better.

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