Why Men Pull Away – Top 3 Secrets They Won’t Tell You

Dianne, a friend since high school, was distraught. She bugs me:  why men pull away, even when they say they love her?

 [Learn Why Men Pull Away CLICK HERE ] 

And why men pull away from the relationship after intimacy?

why men pull away- why are they not talking

Why can’t they just talk? Or, simply hold hands?

I gave her a quick, short  answer.

“I got to this site wherein a ‘bad boy’ by the name of  TDubb explained in video how a woman can capture or recapture the man of his dreams, how to keep him committed, and even marry her without resorting to gimmicks or threats.”

So, my short answer to her why men pull away when in love,  was to check out   TDubb’s Girl Gets Ring Video presentation, CLICK HERE  and find out how.

Dianne’s Background

Dianne had two previous relationships which didn’t work out well. Her first was with Bobby. They had one year of passionate relationship. She described it as hot, and cold,  ”tumultuous”,was another descriptor she said.

When Bobby pulled away , Michael came. This time, she learned enough from her previous relationship.  But it didn’t last. They lasted three years, though.

Now, she’s with  Harry, for two years now. But, it appears they are heading in the same direction.

She can’t understand why Harry says he loves her, yet won’t commit to her, or propose to marry her despite the “all” that she has given to him.

Now, at 32, and her biological clock ticking away, she’s frustrated. She even began to have doubts about her self worth. And she’s desperately groping for answers … how she can keep her man.

Video – When men pull away or lose interest …

Six months later, she sent me this video. She appears very happy and fulfilled.

She finally met the man who’d die to be by her side. How did she do it?

Let her do the talking. So short, and sweet!

What was the “top secret” she found out?

My long answer why men pull away …

I started with a contentious bombshell.

In about 80% of the time, how a man loves you has nothing to do with with his willinness to commit to you, or marry you.

Did I hear howls of protests?

Many will agree or disagree with this statement.

Most men will agree, most women won’t.

See, the gender factor alone, tells a lot about how men and women think differently.

Over a cup of Starbucks, I explained to her three secrets men keep close to their hearts.  The funny thing is, most of them are not even aware of this.

Secret #1 – Men process their feelings in their guts, women, in their hearts.

Understanding this is crucial.

A simple solution is to always is to always keep the communication lines open.

Dianne protested.

“But what if he is the one who shuts the line off?”

I answered her with a question.

“Do you think that if he reacts that way, you can keep on keeping up with him?”

Then, I followed it up with this thought.

Men, typically won’t speak up unless they think of you as a confidante who can keep secrets, and not someone who will use the same knowledge to hurt them.

So, another thing to ponder is: how do you become a confidante to him? And in the process, how does he become a confidante to you?

Men have a mission in Life …

This is a very important concept. If there’s only one thins that you must remember, this is it.

Secret #2 – Men have this “mission in life” to fulfill”.

Most men are not conscious about this, but deep in their guts … they want to prove something to themselves. TDubb calls this the “hero avatar”.

This is probably, the primary reason why men won’t move up to next level of commitment.

Even if he’s had “everything” with you, if his gut tells him that you will make his load heavier on his journey to complete his “mission”, he will dilly-dally, or keep on vacillating.

So unless that he sees you and feels deep inside him, that you are THE ONE  who would lighten up his load and help him reach his “mission” in life … chances are that  he’d still pull away.

The Real Him

Secret #3 – Men are really soft inside, and they too, want to be loved for the “real him”, warts and all.

This is tricky.

At the start of any relationship, when men start to strut around you – they will usually put their best “mask” forward.

Men may buy you expensive gifts, and invite you to expensive dinners.  Men will want to impress you to get your attention.

But, if you already have given him your attention, and reciprocated your interest in him, he will then start to think about showing or revealing the real him for you.

The problem is, he may not yet be comfortable about this.

If he feels safe and trusts you enough, he will. If not, he will continue to wear his mask.

This question bugs him: What if you reject him?

So, if you keep on expecting that you go to fancy restaurants, be given fancy gifts, and fancy everything … he may start to think that you fancy him only because of the fancy things he can give.

This is a “yellow” light that may lead to a “red” light.

What to do?

When you eat out, offer to pay the bill. He will refuse this 95% of the time.

But, if you insist, and even “intercept” the bill … you send him a different signal that it’s not the “fancy” things that you like in him.

An easier thing to do is encourage him to take you to the less expensive restaurants in the likes of McDonald’s, Taco Bell, or Carl’s Jr. Or, suggest gifts that are meaningful yet not expensive.

Or time alone, when you can be intimate without necessary being physical.

It is  important that you  make him feel that it is “him”, that you really fancy. And not the fancy things that he gives you, which seldom lasts anyway.

This way, you are telling him that you like the “real him”.

Secret #4 – How not to make your man pull away …

Finally, I told her that there is a fourth one.

“A fourth one?”

Yes I said. Not only 4, but more!

You see, men, are like women. They are a complex creature.

“If you are really interested”, I said, “to understand men, and get the man you’d like to live with, and be married with in bliss till death do you apart”, I continued, “then, do your future family a favor.”

“What is it?”, she looked at me in anticipation.

Go to this free presentation by TDubb, and get his “Girl Gets Ring” system, Click Here.

If for whatever reason, you think that it is not helpful … you can easily return it, “ala-Amazon”.

Summary- Top 3 Secrets Why Men Pull Away

1.  Men want to be able to open up their deepest and most sacred thoughts to their girls “chaff and grain” together without getting “busted”.

2. Men have a “mission in life”. It’s up to you to make him feel that you can make his journey lighter. Or, heavier.

3. Men want to be loved and appreciated for the real him, and not the “mask” or front, that they wear.

When  Men Pull Away – Action You Can Take Now

Go to this free video training  training   and learn how capture your dream man, and make him feel glad, proud, and loved, you did. This  video could be taken down without notice.

Learn Why Men Pull Away
CLICK HERE 

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Why Men Cheat – 5 Top Causes

Infidelity is a major cause of breakups. The question why men cheat has been asked a million times by a million women, and answers and solutions have been prof erred.

[Beat Them Men Cheaters Up! Learn How - CLICK HERE]

Yet the phenomenon persists. Men still cheat. And, women do, too!

Nea Joy presents her analysis why men cheat, and presents her solutions how to keep them from turning left.

5 Reasons Why Men Cheat and How to Keep Your Man Faithful

Author: Nea Joy

In marriages and committed relationships, most of us expect the obvious: commitment. Unfortunately, even after vowing to forsake all others, many people cheat. Countless studies and real life experiences tell us that men are more likely to cheat than women. That’s no big secret! However, the reasons why men cheat remain a mystery to most of us.

Well, there’s some good news: There are some things you can do to help keep your man from cheating on you. The key is to understand the answer to the question, “Why do men cheat?”

Before you read this list of reasons why men cheat, let’s make one thing clear. If your man cheats on you, it is not your fault. It is ultimately his responsibility to keep “it” in his pants. These tips on how to keep your man from cheating on you can simply help you to help him do what he should do anyway.

With that disclaimer out of the way, lets move on to look at some of the reasons why men cheat.

Reasons Why Men Cheat

1. Immaturity

For the immature man, cheating is often the result of a lack of self control and a sense of entitlement. He may feel that he deserves multiple women, thus he doesn’t even try to be a loyal husband or boyfriend.

Such a man may cheat on his wife or girlfriend no matter what she says or does. He is too immature and irresponsible to understand (or even care) about the damaging effects of his infidelity. He’s also not man enough to admit his unwillingness to commit, thus you’ll have to catch him red-handed. The only tip for a woman who’s dating Mr. Immature is to “kick him to the curve.” This guy is an STD-risk and a threat to your emotional well-being. Don’t waste your time.

2. Feelings of Inadequacy

Another of the reasons men cheat because they feel insecure or somehow inadequate. Although they may not tell you that they need to hear words of validation, many men secretly yearn for it. A guy who is usually faithful may be tempted to cheat on you if he’s feeling inadequate. A bit of flattering attention from another woman may stroke his ego in a way that he finds simply irresistible. Don’t leave this hole in your relationship.

If your man seems macho, confident, or even cocky, it’s still a good idea to let him know what you love about him. Don’t wait on another woman to come along and tell him the all the things he’s dying to hear. If you like the way he looks or smells, tell him. If he’s a good provider and protector, tell him.

For some men, the feelings of inadequacy are so out of control that no amount of ego stroking will keep him from cheating on you. This type of man uses multiple women to distract him from his extreme insecurities. It’s important for you to remember that you can only do so much. If you do your best to show him that you admire and appreciate him, the rest is up to him.

3. The Challenge

Many men love a challenge-a bit of a chase. When a woman seems unattainable, she is interesting. When she is not giving in to him, making him work for her affections, she captivates him. Men who love a challenge will get bored quickly with an easy, spineless woman.

If you’re a “Yes girl” once you’re in a committed relationship, this may be a recipe for infidelity. By not giving in to his every whim, you can keep a man interested and prevent him from cheating. Make sure he knows that, although you love him, you will not be walked on. Let him know that he will always have to be diligent in order to keep you. A strong, confident woman is very interesting and attractive to most men. Be that woman so he doesn’t cheat on you in order to find her.

4. Sexual Frustration

Most women assume that the reason men cheat is just for the sex. That’s usually not the whole story, but sexual frustration can be a factor. As time passes in relationships, the quantity (or quality) of sex may change. He wants sex-you have a headache. He wants sex-you’re too tired. He wants sex-you unenthusiastically give in. He wants oral sex-you’re not into that.

Men naturally think about sex more than most women and suppressing their desires is extremely difficult. Blame the testosterone for that. If you don’t want your husband or boyfriend to feed his sexual urges with other women, reduce the chances of this happening by keeping him satisfied. Have your hormones checked if your libido is extremely low. Don’t just dismiss the notion that a healthy sex life is important to prevent infidelity.

When it comes to sex in relationships, it’s not all about how often you do it. Even if you have sex everyday, sexual frustration can arise when you and your man aren’t interested in the same types of sexual acts.

It’s best to find out early on what a man likes sexually; therefore, you can pass on the relationship opportunity if you are not sexually compatible. If you’re sexually conservative, don’t bother getting involved with a man who loves anal sex, role play, BDSM, or other non-traditional forms of pleasure. Choose a man whose needs you are willing to satisfy-and do it. If you wait until post-commitment to tell him that you’re not open to his favorite sexual acts, he’ll become so sexually frustrated that it will be hard to keep him from cheating on you.

5. Escape from Reality

Passion, fire, and excitement abound in new relationships. Unfortunately, a lot of this dwindles away after getting married, having kids, or remaining in a long-term relationship. Unfortunately, one of the reasons men cheat is that those magical sparks stop flying. This is especially common when couples begin to have kids. Instead of long vacations, nights on the town, and frequent sex, life becomes all about dirty diapers, temper tantrums and extra stress. This is a bad time to add the trauma of infidelity to the problems in a relationship, but some men seek to escape the reality of their changing lives.

To keep your man faithful as life changes so drastically, keep the communication channels open. Discuss the changes that you’re facing and how you both plan to deal with them. Furthermore, do not let life become completely about work, kids, and household chores. Your marriage or relationship should also be a top priority and it is important that you make it so. Schedule date nights, talk openly and continually relight the flame between you two. No matter how you choose to do it, remember to show the man you love that your life with him is an equally important part of your reality.

In addition to cheating, there are many reasons that relationships fail. You can’t possibly get all the answers from one article. I hope you’ll check out RelationshipSaga.com for more information on how to fix your relationship problems before it’s too late.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/infidelity-articles/5-reasons-why-men-cheat-and-how-to-keep-your-man-faithful-3611768.html

About the Author

Nea Joy is the founder of Law of Attraction based self-help blog, Self Improvement Saga, and the relationship advice website, Relationship Saga.  She specializes in teaching the art of joyful living through personal growth, healthy relationships, and deliberate use of the Universal Law of Attraction. Enhance your life today by visiting http://self-improvement-saga.com for free articles, tips, newsletters, and much more.

Ms. Joy cites being a strong women as a factor that keeps him in “check”. She also dismisses immature and irresponsible men.  When it comes sex, she insists on compatibility and respect. When it comes to “spark”, she insists on excitement and communication as a cementing factor.

Her views on sex may not suit well people who live in societies which are as not open as the western culture. Whatever someone’s views are — sex happens. Just look at the internet.

To cite just one factor on how to keep your man faithful and prevent him from cheating — it is in the women’s strength, and how she shows it, and asserts it.

So cheating men, beware of the strong woman! (She’ll beat you up! :) )

Why Men Cheat- Here’s  What You Can Do and Be NOT a Victim

You can learn valuable tips and skills in this free video presentation that teaches you how to make your man not to even think about cheating, and  commit to you willingly, gladly, and even marry you!

Beat Them Men Cheaters Up! Learn How
CLICK HERE

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Guy Pulls Away – Why oh why!
Why Men Pull Away, Top 3 Secrets
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Why Men Cheat – 5 Top Causes

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Guy Pulls Away – Why oh why!

When a guy pulls away, would you know why?

Probably not. You may have speculations, but unless you talk to him and he becomes truthful, I doubt.

[ When Guys Pull Away, Follow This Formula - CLICK HERE ] 

So, the best cure is always prevention.

Kathy on this article reveals 3 things that she thinks she did that made his guy pull away the last time.

Why a Guy Pulls Away – 3 Things You Must Do to Keep Him From Pulling Away - by Kathy

So you found the guy of your dreams and you’ve been in a relationship with him for quite awhile. You know he loves you and you’re ready to get married. He hasn’t popped the question yet and you feel as if he never will.

Using threats out of desperation is like committing relationship suicide. Women that continue to use threats must believe there’s a good reason, (especially if they’ve been in a long relationship) but then they wonder why a guy pulls away.

They want marriage so badly, that making threats is a common issue. Women who force demands on their guy don’t realize the pressure they are putting him under, so therefore he terminates the relationship. By giving your guy a now-or-never ultimatum will cause him to pack his bags and run. There are 3 things you must do to keep him from pulling away.

1-Don’t be over-bearing- Men think they are the stronger of the sex. They don’t want to be told what to do. They express their feeling in a different way than women. They want to make their own decisions in their own time without someone pushing them. Be patient and caring. If they sense you are trying to push them and are over-bearing, they will hold back their true feelings.

They love their gal, but they can only take so much before they pull out. You need to understand his feelings and concerns which will bring him closer to you. By giving him some slack will make him more comfortable with you. Deep down inside, he wants you for his wife, but he is testing the waters because he knows a commitment is for life.

2-Show him the real you- Some women think by pretending to be what they’re not, will impress a guy. It’s quite the opposite. Men love a woman who is real and natural and doesn’t pretend or lie. If he catches you in a lie, he will never trust you. Love and marriage are based on trust. So be yourself and be totally honest with him. He will love you for it.

Women in a relationship get caught with their pretenses and their guy can sense that. If that happens, he will pull away. Remember, he is looking for marriage material, but he isn’t going to tell you that.

Although he is watching your actions and desires, he isn’t aware of it. He puts up his guard and it’s up to you to tear it down. Stay sharp and focused on his actions and don’t give him a reason to doubt your love or trust.

3-Your First Impression- Your first impression is on your first date and that’s when the seed starts to grow. Guys love to impress a new girlfriend making them think he is financially successful. He wants her to like him and he knows money is the way to steal her heart. The problem is that after awhile he gets caught up in his own game.

Women let their guy buy them expensive gifts, go to fancy restaurants and will accept what their boyfriend offers. Now he feels trapped and is to proud to tell her he can’t keep spending all this money. When he feels trapped, he will walk away. Most women don’t realize what they’re doing, so they wonder why their guy pulled away.

If he starts buying you expensive gifts, don’t accept them. After a couple times of taking you to a fancy restaurant, you pick a cheap restaurant. If you truly love him, you won’t care where he takes you. Offer to fix dinner at your house or apartment (or his). That way he can see how good of a cook you are as a future wife. He may very well have lots of money, but act as though he doesn’t. If he thinks you want him for his money and not for him, he will know it and leave the relationship.

You must follow these 3 tips to keep him from pulling away. Be patient and let his love grow for you. If you do, he will eventually ask you to marry him. Don’t be like so many women that wonder why a guy pulls away . You have a wonderful life ahead of you with the guy of your dreams. Just follow your heart and heed the advice in this article.

About the Author

I was in a relationship where my guy eventually pulled away. I was over-bearing, making threats and giving him ultimatums and then he pulled away. I was really hurt. I realized after I lost him what I had done.

Then I found this guy who has been a relationship specialist for 16 years. He has a training video and tons of advice that got me on the right track. So when I finally met the guy of my dreams, I followed the advice from T’Dub’s video and training. My my guy did commit and we are now happily married.

Go to: www.KeepaGuy.info and watch T’Dub’s video and see how to get your guy to pop the question without using threats or ultimatums.

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When A Guy Pulls Away – here’s what you can do to prevent it

Kathy followed the teachings of this guy on the video behind the “click”. Find out to how to keep your from guy pulling away.

Learn valuable tips and skills in this free video presentation that teaches you how to make your man commit to you willingly, gladly, even marry you!

When Guys Pull Away, Follow This Formula – CLICK HERE

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Why Men Pull Away, Top 3 Secrets

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What Do Men Want In Relationships

Do men want in relationships, always sex?

[Find Out What Men Want In Relationships CLICK HERE]

As a man myself,  my answer is Yes…

BUT … Not only that. :)

Here’s a very enlightening article that gives women great clues that men not only want sex in relationships, but a lot,lot more.

What Do Men Want in Relationships?
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=A_Aaron]A Aaron

Have you ever wondered why men seem to want you one day, then wants more “space” the next? Ever wondered why most men find it hard to commit? These and many other questions plaque the minds of many women today – just what do men want in relationships?

The surprising thing is that what men want in relationships are pretty much the same things that women want. Here are some of the things men want, and why:

#1 – Men want freedom.

When a man first enters the dating game, he’s in it for the fun. He’s out to meet new women and make new friends, and finding someone to marry is probably the last thing on his mind. He’s enjoying his life to the hilt, and still loves many aspects of his single life — his hobbies, his friends, his career.

A stigma of relationships today is the idea that once you get into a relationship, you lose your freedom to do the things you used to enjoy. This is precisely why many men are uncomfortable being in a relationship and living under its “rules.” But what most people don’t realize is that it’s still possible to enjoy your freedom while sharing it with someone you love.

So the best tip you can remember to ensure his freedom is this: Don’t be too clingy. As the popular song goes, “Everybody needs a little time away from each other.” Let him enjoy his time, and do the same every now and then.

#2 – Men want enjoyment.

The reason why most men space out of their relationships is because they simply don’t find it fun anymore. This could either be because their girlfriends try to ask for too much attention, or talk about too many problems, or simply aren’t any fun to be with. Do you like the idea of spending the rest of your life with someone so negative? Exactly.

To make the relationship a happier place for him (and you), learn to be in total control of your emotions, instead of being a slave to them. This doesn’t mean you’ll need to filter out all the negative emotions, but instead of letting them rule you, acknowledge them and move on. And always try to bring positive, enjoyable things to the table in the relationship.

#3 – Men want independent women.

Let’s face it — too many women today think of themselves too much. They depend on their friends, their money, and their boyfriends to stay happy. But you’ll be surprised at how being able to stand on your own two feet is a very irresistible quality to have. Men love being with independent women, simply because independent women are a rarity these days.

It may sound hard, but it’s always possible to tweak your personality to be more free, more enjoyable, and more independent. It’s all a man wants in a relationship!

Find out the [http://www.datingquestionsforwomen.com/the-ten-most-dangerous-mistakes-you-probably-make-with-men-and-what-to-do-about-it]ten most dangerous mistakes you probably make with men – and what you can do about it.

Visit http://www.datingquestionsforwomen.com for more relationship advice.

Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?What-Do-Men-Want-in-Relationships?&id=2563130] What Do Men Want in Relationships?

Of the 3 things Aaron cited, I cite independent women as the most attractive. Men face it. We want a strong woman. A woman who can carry the cudgels when we cannot.

If you are reading this and only need to remember one thing, this is it:  strength.

That’s one trait men want in relationships. (Other than sex? :) )

What men want in relationships – here’s what you can do.

You can learn valuable tips and skills in this free video presentation that generally teaches what your man want in your relationship.

Find Out What Men Want In Relationships
CLICK HERE

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When Men Withdraw – So Be It?

Is it just right when men withdraw, and we let them be?

[When Men Withdraw, Know Why CLICK HERE]

It is  a common occurrence in relationships that a man (or a woman) suddenly withdraws, asking for “space”, and you’re left in a shell not understanding what is happening.

In this article, Katherine shares what she does and will do, if her man suddenly pulls away.

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What To Do When Men Withdraw and Suddenly ‘Need Their Space’
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Breanne_Katherine]Breanne Katherine

Has your man suddenly gotten distant and your not sure why or what may have triggered his frustrations?

Has he stopped talking to you quite as often or does it seem as though he lacks interest during the time he has to spend with you?

The reasoning behind why a man might withdraw from a relationship is varied and subject to several cause and effect scenarios.

However, the majority of the time – most men withdraw from relationships either because they are no longer interested, do not feel appreciated, have lost their own self-respect, or a mixture of all the above.

In order to gauge where your man is at and why he is suddenly withdrawing from the relationship, you’ll need to do a little research. Try to understand what is going on in his mind by having a conversation with him and reading his body language.

Do not assume that your relationship is or was solid. Open communication needs to be a must for any relationship to achieve long-term success. Without it, pent-up emotions and feelings will one day release a negative explosion, which isn’t always healthy for either of you.

Be sure that from the very beginning of the relationship, you are both open and honest with each other. Express your feelings, emotions, worries, concerns, fears, ideas, and desires on a consistent basis.

Also make sure that you consider his in return. If you make an attempt to put his priorities in front of your own, you will see a drastic change in his desire to do the same; thus, inevitably getting what you want and deserve from the relationship.

By exuding empathy and support with what he fears and worries over, you will create a trusting bond that allows him to confide in you. By sharing in your understanding together, the two of you will create a long and lasting relationship.

The two of you are a team – by choosing to be in a relationship together, you have ultimately decided that you will share, support, and burden each others wants, fears, and desires as a unit.

You may not agree with some of the choices he makes and vice versa, but as long as they are reasonable and remain faithful, there should be nothing the two of you can’t work through together.

Patience is another major factor in achieving the kind of relationship you have always dreamed about.

No relationship is perfect, they all take practice and consistency.

However with a little time, the two of you will eventually learn how to handle and accomplish hundreds of incredible feats you wouldn’t have had the opportunity of experiencing if either of you were single.

If your man claims that he needs his space, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It could potentially mean just that – that he needs a little space to recuperate and feel like himself before he decides what to do with his love life.

It doesn’t have to mean that he is dumping you and moving right on to the next girl he finds. He is probably simply seeking some alone time to gather his thoughts and figure out what he truly wants.

The best way to handle this kind of situation is to respect it. If you fight and beg for him to change his mind it will only make him resent you, and probably have him leaving for good – don’t do this!

Instead, tell him that you disagree with his choice (if you do) but you are willing to wait for him if he chooses to change his mind. Assure him that you are always available to talk and remind him quickly how much you will always care for him, either way he goes.

Give him something to really ponder over – don’t let his last impression of you to make his choice with, be one of the two of you screaming and arguing with each other.

Make it a memory that he will want to come back to, one that will make him feel ridiculous for ever having to ‘need his space’ to begin with.

How?

Pay Very Close Attention Here -

On The Next Page, You Will Discover Very Rare & Psychological Tricks Which Will Give You The Ultimate Power To Attract any Man, Make Him Fall In Love, & Get Him To Commit To You & Only You, Forever – Click Here! [http://theguymagnet.us]

Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?What-To-Do-When-Men-Withdraw-and-Suddenly-Need-Their-Space&id=6432903] What To Do When Men Withdraw and Suddenly ‘Need Their Space’

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She says that  when men withdraws, it usually is a loss in interest, either in the relationship, or in his ability to sustain a relationship. That communication is a must.

And most importantly,  leave him a loving impression that he is losing a big thing if he does not realize the love and value that you hold for him.

When men withdraw – here’s what you can do.

Become a better person.  You can learn valuable tips and skills in this free video presentation that teaches you how to make your man commit to you willingly, gladly, even marry you!

When Men Withdraw, Know Why
CLICK HERE

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Know the signs when men pull away

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When Men Pull Away, Be Wiser

Know the signs when men pull away

Sometimes, we are not sure when men pull away from us. It’s hard to read minds.

[ When Men Pull Away - Be Wiser, Click Here ] 

However, there are resources we can cite to confirm, or debunk if our man is pulling away from us.

Here is such an article.

When Men Pull Away – Top Three Signs That He Is Pulling Away
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Alyssa_A._H]Alyssa A. H

You are probably reading this article because you get that sneaky feeling that your boyfriend is pulling away from you or being distant.

You are not one hundred per cent sure because let’s face it, you may be over reacting but one thing you do know is that something has changed and you need to get to the bottom of it.

If there is one thing I have learnt is that when you think that something is off, very often you are right!

So let’s go through the top three signs that will clue you in on whether or not your boyfriend is pulling away from you.

1. He spends a lot less time with you now than he did before and he tells you that he is busy as his excuse as to why you two are spending little time together.

So in other words, if you two were seeing each other four or five times a week, you are barely seeing him once or twice now.

When you do see him, the conversation is not as free flowing and it seems as though his mind is elsewhere. His body is there but his mind clearly is not.

In addition, it doesn’t seem like it is even that big of a deal that you two aren’t seeing each other as often. He just does not seem to care.

What the heck? Doesn’t he miss you at all? This is definitely a sign to monitor.

2. He doesn’t call you as often as he used to and again it doesn’t seem like he even misses hearing your voice.

When you call him, he is always too busy to have a real meaningful conversation with you and you always feel as though he is leaving you hanging.

If anything, this is one of the most important signs to take note of.

Does it seem as though you have unfinished business with him, like if a door is always being closed in your face without you being able to express yourself or spend time being with him or talking with him?

3. He doesn’t make plans in advance like he did before.

When you two first started seeing each other, he made plans way in advance. This, as you know, is one of the signs that a guy is interested in you and wants to impress you with all of the fancy places he can take you. He wants to make sure that you two do exciting things together.

So when he starts to get downright lazy and nonchalant about what you two are doing and when, that is a clear sign that he is taking a big step back from the relationship and his commitment to you!

These are three of the main signs that your boyfriend is pulling back from you. Even one of these in isolation signals that there may be a problem in your relationship that needs a speedy solution of some type. For more signs that your guy may be pulling away from you, click on the link below to visit my blog!

Find out why a guy will pull away from the woman he loves if he is not ready to get married here at http://www.committedrelationship.blogspot.com Why is your man pulling away from you?

Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?When-Men-Pull-Away---Top-Three-Signs-That-He-Is-Pulling-Away&id=7091216] When Men Pull Away – Top Three Signs That He Is Pulling Away

In summary,  Alyssa is telling us that if he spends less time, calls less, and plans less than before, he may be starting to pull away .

Heck, why don’t you confront him and hear it from?

When Men Pull Away – What You Can Do

Learn the ways of the man. Man is a complex being.  I suggest you hear this free training video on how you make your man commit to you gladly, willingly, even marry you!

When Men Pull Away – Be Wiser, Click Here

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Engaging With Our Stories

Learn why men pull away, how to decode men, and know 3 secrets they won’t tell you! CLICK HERE

manwalkingdogresized “Don’t change the world, change worlds.”  -St Francis of Assisi

 

One of my favorite talks that I listen to over and over again by Pema Chodron is her teaching about cultivating Bodichitta, which is another word for the ‘awakened heart.’ Her advice is that we have to start where we are, recognizing the love we have to give and, more importantly, the love we can receive in this present moment. In the talk, she empathizes about how many people share the common and painful experience of not being able to identify a single person that they felt loved them truly and unconditionally. This narrative of feeling unlovable is rampant in our time. Arguably, there are more people living lonely and disconnected lives than in any time in our history, which is ironic given the vast technological advances designed to connect us all.

Our sense of being lovable is a deep part of our personal narrative. It comes to us in bits and pieces over the course of many years growing up, but is more malleable than most people realize. We can teach ourselves and transform our storyline about our loveliness by engaging with the stories we tell. Our personal narrative is like a road map, and shifting its course internally is, as St Francis says, literally like changing worlds. The catch is that we need a witness. Breakthroughs in re-imagining our capacity and direction resonate when we share them around a dinner table or a fire ring. They take on a powerful truth as we are heard and witnessed in our storytelling. We experience a deeper sense of our own worth in the attentive listening of people who love us.

Resonant stories of personal discovery are qualitatively different from what we routinely post or tweet. And the confusion between these spaces of “sharing” is not a small part of the separation and despair that social media conjures for many of us. Online, we are consciously and often subconsciously, always scheming to look our best, which explains why the random resonant story of vulnerability gets so much attention. Sitting around a campfire or at a meal with someone listening to us, we lose our pretense. Real exchanges make us real.

The power of engaging with a story is visible in great literature as well. For all of the self-help books out there (and there are millions) I can’t say that I remember a single one- not even my own, teaching me any lasting truth the way that remarkable fiction does. My kids were all raised on the Harry Potter legacy and there is a sense of justice that permeated those books that still acts as a point of reference around the dinner table sometimes. Through a well-told story with a character that I came to care about, I have comprehended more about huge swaths of history, as well as the convoluted motivations and denial that entraps a life.

Yet, in weird and unsettling ways, we have replaced this practice of storytelling with the obsessive practice of sharing our stories in superficial ways to our Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter friends. We have lost the thread of our own stories, and with them, the deep ways in which we can evolve our sense of meaning and feelings of worthiness. And these huge social media giants have become wealthy as a container for our stories, that don’t really do justice to them or feed us the way they were intended. Taking the time to actively engage with and invent a story that grows your sense of worth and connection is the map to a changed world- yours.

 

 

Source:Engaging With Our Stories

Want to make your man commit willingly, gladly, and not pull away? Go CLICK HERE

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Positivity Again: Grief As Gratitude

Learn why men pull away, how to decode men, and know 3 secrets they won’t tell you! CLICK HERE

butterfly I woke up crying today, listening to the soft breathing of my three kids filling the hotel room and remembering that this was the last morning in a long time that I would wake in the company of  us all together.  Today was the day I would drop my third child off for the beginning of his college years-  a day that I saw coming from years away but still cannot believe has already arrived. When we’re awoken by his musical alarm of “Kiss me” – a song that has been playing since he was a toddler, the golden weight of the past came rushing to me. Tears rolling down my face, I lay there realizing just how deeply blessed I am to be burdened with this particular grief.

You don’t have to look far in life to witness the millions of faces of tragedy and violence, which cloak so much human grief in layers of  terror and injustice. It is a bold testament to human resilience that life continues at all for many of these survivors. How we hold our grief becomes the emotional map of our future. Choosing to close down our heart, to not trust,and  to live in bitterness are the tragic associations of overwhelming grief. Learning to transmute our grief into an active form of gratitude is how the most resilient thrive again. It shows respect for what was..

I will not lament the empty space created by releasing my beloved children to a future of their dreams. I know that I have been incredibly lucky and blessed to  have loved my kids so deeply that letting them go breaks  my heart. The Buddhist teachings call this’ the awakened heart,’ which is one of the highest forms of enlightenment- increasing our capacity for compassion. It’s odd how I fear the experience of a broken heart.  It is hard to learn that the emptiness I am now filled with is actually a reflection of how full my heart and life has been.

To have had the time to know someone long enough that their absence creates a hole in us is a reflection of the  fullness of heart that we has opened in us. I have long dreaded the  coming of  the empty nest,  and the distance from my kid’s lives that have so long been the cornerstones of my own. I have one more girl at home for one more year. I will try not to follow her around,  but listen closely for her music playing.

Source:Positivity Again: Grief As Gratitude

Want to make your man commit willingly, gladly, and not pull away? Go CLICK HERE

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When You Feel Like You Married the Wrong Person

Learn why men pull away, how to decode men, and know 3 secrets they won’t tell you! CLICK HERE

There’s always some point in your marriage when you find yourself waking up in the morning next to your not-soulmate. It’s natural to start to wonder if you even should have married them in the first place. It’s tempting to just want out, not even to be with someone else, just to simply be free of ever having to look at them again.

But in the face of a lack of significant personality defects, abuse or cheating, leaving them simply because you feel unhappy is one of those deeply conflicting questions.

i.e. “My wife is an alcoholic and can’t keep a job” is a very different situation than “my wife is lacking some girl game”, or “what’s with all these hair products everywhere?”

Some of the questions you have to ask are …

(1) Whether or not you’re screwing up the situation yourself, and just dealing with a sub-optimal relationship you can improve.

(2) Whether you’re simply expecting too much of any one person in a relationship.

(3) Whether you’re struggling through some stresses external to the relationship, which are making the relationship harder, but aren’t precisely their fault (or even your exact fault)

(4) Whether you’re still hurt by Critical Moments of Neglect by your partner and holding onto the anger etc.

I’ve had instances of all four of those factors with Jennifer.

(1) I bumbled along for years not knowing about Alpha and Beta stuff, and changing some of the things I did made positive changes. Things on this front were never terrible, but they are significantly better now. We’ve also do a lot of different things in the bedroom now than we did before.

(2) Jen is very soft, quiet, gentle, peaceful, forgiving, trusting and yielding… and at times that is something I experience as horribly under-stimulating. I now consciously create a lifestyle for myself where I have more stimulation. Part of the reason I wrote MMSL was it was something to do that was high-stim. I can’t expect Jen to provide all that for me. Likewise she is more conscious that I get bored faster than she does. We have a better balance with this now.

(3) Being broke sucks. She was stressed out a lot. Not sexy.

(4) There have been a handful of miscommunications and major incidents where I got seriously hurt and some took a couple years to work through.

At the end of the day, Jennifer loves me like no other person on earth does. But she’s not my magical soulmate where everything is perfect and we don’t have to consciously work at our relationship. She’s my wife. It’s not like I’m a perfect match for her either.

Thankfully in most cases, when you just have a background sense of vague unhappiness, without some kind of clearly dysfunctional spouse to work around, things can get remarkably better once you start working on improving your life and marriage on a conscious level.

It really can get better.

Source:When You Feel Like You Married the Wrong Person

Want to make your man commit willingly, gladly, and not pull away? Go CLICK HERE

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An Alternative To Combat Distraction, Routine And Busyness

Learn why men pull away, how to decode men, and know 3 secrets they won’t tell you! CLICK HERE

black-zen-stones Life is full of distraction.

Everywhere you look something’s vying for your attention.

Take your kids to school, ride the train to work, log onto the Internet and you’ll see things aimed at taking your money, focus, and time.

One thing about a world full of attention clutter, our brain can become numb to it so we get to where we don’t even see it. But don’t kid yourself, there’s a drawback to this numbness.

It also means we don’t really experience the other things in our life.

Human nature seems to crave routine and structure. One way we can combat distraction is create a routine. This is what is being proposed when you read those “how to create flow” or “get in the zone” type posts. But again, there’s a drawback to routine.

Routine can become so, uh, routine that days can go by and we fail to realize we’re alive.

I’m continually amazed at how we live our lives day to day. It’s as if we’re in a race to create a full life. And we are, only, this full life often plays out in a full calendar, not necessarily a deep, meaningful life with others.

Answer me this: When someone asks you “How have you been?” what’s the most common reply? … Busy.

Since when has busyness become so appealing?

Granted, busyness serves a purpose – it can cover pain and frustration that may be present in life. You’ve done this before, something bad happens in your life (loss of a loved one, end of a relationship, losing a job) and to help you cope through the downturn – you stay busy.

I understand. Who wants to wallow in misery or pain?

The problem – busyness fades … then what?

What happens to the pain? Is it ever really confronted and felt?

If it’s not, this helps create a schedule filled with routine and tasks. It helps you become a “yes man” to everyone else because you lack the ability to say “no” to things you don’t want in your life.

It creates a robotic life that allow days to go by without really feeling anything. No pain, frustration, or sadness – but, no pleasure, joy, happiness or passion.

I propose a new way to combat distraction, routine, and busyness.

A way to be practice being 100% present.

A way to take relationships to a deeper level.

And it’s simple.

Ready?

Be where your butt is.

Tell me if this has happened to you. You’re in the middle of doing something and you find yourself thinking of something else. You’re sitting at work – daydreaming about the weekend. You’re with a group of friends – texting other friends. Or you’re having dinner with your family – still mentally at work.

1. Disconnect, then connect.

At the end of the work day, take the time to disconnect mentally before arriving home. Listen to good music on the way home. Walk. Read. When you get home, turn off the phone, don’t check your business email, leave the projects at work. Point is: when you are with your family, be with your family. When you’re with friends, be with friends.

2. Give up on the idea of multitasking.

There’s a common belief that we’re able to do multiple things at the same time. And it’s true. But how well do we do these multiple things? Our lives, and our relationships are better served when we learn to sequential task. Devote all your attention to wherever your butt is. Then disconnect from that task when it’s done and move to the next one.

3. Don’t answer your phone.

When you are with others and your phone rings or vibrates due to a call, text, email, IM, push notification, etc. – don’t answer. Let voice mail do its job. Whatever it is can wait. There are very little “real” emergencies in life.

4. Turn away from the screen time.

When you’re surfing, watching, or working and your spouse or kids approach you for something, hit pause, close the laptop, put the device down completely and connect with them face to face. Look them in the eye. Listen. Connect. It probably will only take a few minutes then you can move back to the task at hand. Point is: spend your time with them – with them.

5. Create a no distraction zone.

When it’s time to work, clear away distractions, and work. But what about the times you’re with the one you love? When you’re with your lover, focus on then. Listen. Respond. Love.

There are many times I’ve been out with my wife and we see other couples out together, but on their phones texting or surfing. Once I watched a family of three sit across from me, each on their phones. The only words spoken at the table were to place their order.

6. Breathe.

Distractions most often keep us disconnected with the world around us, making us feel uneasy, alone or lost. Of all the species on the planet, humans are the only ones who speed up when they’re lost or anxious. Every other animal sits still until they get their bearings before proceeding where they want to go.

Slowing down to find your pace and your bearing is vital to a life fully alive.

So, when you find you’re not where your butt is.

Don’t panic. Simply breathe.

Disconnect.

Breathe.

Connect.

An Alternative To Combat Distraction, Routine And Busyness is written by Corey from: Simple Marriage

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Source:An Alternative To Combat Distraction, Routine And Busyness

Want to make your man commit willingly, gladly, and not pull away? Go CLICK HERE

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Five Things That Make Someone Batshit Crazy

Learn why men pull away, how to decode men, and know 3 secrets they won’t tell you! CLICK HERE

Back towards the beginning of the blog I had a viewpoint that when it comes to a spouse being Batshit Crazy, all you could do is “medicate it, or run”. I pretty much saw it all as a combination of psych and behavioral issues. These days, I see Batshit Crazy as having five different potential causes.

(1) Something funky with their endocrine system.

I talked about this in particular back in February, but the link between endocrine levels being out of whack and crappy moods is well established. Just think of a woman with bad PMS. She’s a cranky shit weasel because her hormone levels are actively turning her into a moody version of her normal self. Now imagine that her hormonal levels are out of whack on a permanent basis and she’s permanently in a PMS-like hormonal state. At some point you just run out of chocolate and Midol to distract her while you barricade yourself in the mancave.

The solution for this one is to head to the doctor and get the full set of labwork, being clear that there’s some degree of negative moods and behavior that goes along with it. Same deal for men and women, low testosterone guys are fairly intolerable to live with.

(2) They figured out being Batshit Crazy gets them what they want.

This is the behavioral one. Just like a three-year-old who figures out throwing a tantrum gets them candy from a weak parent, your Batshit Crazy partner has figured out on some level that being “out of control” gets you to do what they want you to do. They don’t want to clean the house, so they throw a tantrum so bad you don’t dare cross them and you clean the house for them instead. Despite the fact that you work the full time job and as far as you can tell, they are primarily occupied with playing Candy Crush all day. Or the last time you asked to spend time together on the weekend, he ripped the curtains off the wall and called you a stupid whore, so now when he disappears all weekend hunting, you just watch him go and don’t say a word.

Or put more simply, they figured out abusing you works great, because you just tolerate it. The solution for this one is standing up for yourself, maintaining personal boundaries, improving yourself to the point where you don’t need them so much you have to tolerate things so easily, and potentially getting outside help depending on the level of intervention required. If it’s really just a ton of Fitness Testing, you can run the MAP and push back on it more and more over time. If it’s genuine abuse, that’s more likely to need greater support.

(3) Unresolved abuse/childhood issues.

This is the one where there’s some kind of pre-existing trauma in their life, that’s never been properly addressed, and you’re getting to bear the brunt of them being triggered by whatever it is still lurking in their memories. Essentially *anything* from their personal history that makes you go, “Oh wow, that’s so horrible” counts as a potential trigger there.

The solution is therapy of some kind, plus stepping around the triggers that are easily identifiable.

(4) You’ve driven them crazy by your behavior.

 It’s a minority of cases, but it does happen where I hear impressive descriptions of an out of control spouse… and on finally meeting them, I discover they are fairly normal and driven to their wits end with the original spouse who talked to me. The DARVO method – Deny Attack Reverse Victim and Offender – a stock in trade of both men and women playing out the strategy outlined in point (2) above. The trouble is, if it’s actually caused in no small part by you, you probably think it’s all justified because in your mind they are the crazy ones.

Or alternatively, they are the crazy ones, but saying you’re the crazy one, driving them crazy. If that was confusing, that’s because that particular strategy is designed to be confusing, and make you start doubting whether or not you’re crazy yourself.

Generally speaking the solution is to try and figure out who else has problems interacting with the alleged crazy person. If basically everyone – friends, family, co-workers, bosses, the neighbors – are having trouble relating to one half of the couple, that’s the Batshit Crazy one. Or maybe you’re both crazy and your life is like a reality TV show pilot.

If it’s you, the solution is to stop being such an asshole, and smooth it all out. Seek some help for it if you need it.

(5) Genuine psych disorder.

Something like genuine bipolar, schizophrenia, depression even ADHD, are all real enough and can be treated with a combination of therapy, medication, diet, exercise and so on. But I’m honestly starting to reach for this as the last potential explanation of why someone is Batshit Crazy

Importantly, there can be more than just one cause and the more causes there are overlapping, the harder it is to unpick the situation.

But you do have to figure out what the causes are before you can align it with the proper treatment.

Source:Five Things That Make Someone Batshit Crazy

Want to make your man commit willingly, gladly, and not pull away? Go CLICK HERE

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Podcast with Shy Man’s Dating School

Learn why men pull away, how to decode men, and know 3 secrets they won’t tell you! CLICK HERE

Hiya, yet another podcast.

This is actually the one I’ve most enjoyed doing and Steve and I actually clicked so well that we chatting after the podcast for another 40-50 minutes.

Far more on the “why did you write The Mindful Attraction Plan” angle, as opposed to the Primer material.

Anyway… his blurb from http://shymansdatingschool.com/31-athol-kay-balancing-alpha-beta-traits/

Athol Kay from Married Man Sex Life is an author who has written The Mindful Attraction Plan, The Married Man Sex Life Primer and How to Answer “Do These Pants Make My Ass Look Fat” … And Get Laid Like Tile.  Funny, lighthearted and realistic,  Athol looks at what doesn’t work and gives real world advice on how you can get results not only in your relationship, but how it can transfer into having a better career, a healthier lifestyle and ultimately, an entertaining life.

Today on the Shy Man’s Dating School Podcast Series, Athol tells you about the officer and first commander relationship, how to create the best possible positive energy flow to make your life better and he taps into how taking charge can actually take a low key approach and how instead of demanding submission, you can evoke it.

DURING THIS EPISODE, ATHOL AND I SPEAK ABOUT:

  • The officer and the first commander relationship: how having a well defined power structure in your relationship will make your life easier to handle and maker you and her happier
  • Taking charge can be low key: evoking submission rather than demanding
  • Balancing alpha and beta behavioral concepts
  • His advice has the random side effects of making not only your relationship better but your career, health and lifestyle
  • Taking aim at the Red Pill community, explaining his thoughts on what works and what doesn’t
  • Star Trek and the epiphany that started it all

Source:Podcast with Shy Man’s Dating School

Want to make your man commit willingly, gladly, and not pull away? Go CLICK HERE

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The Problem With Date Night

Learn why men pull away, how to decode men, and know 3 secrets they won’t tell you! CLICK HERE

datenite

This is a guest post from Emma Merkas of Couples Massage Courses.

We all know we should go on regular dates with our spouse, right?

The same way we know we should eat more Brussels sprouts and floss our teeth every day.

It’s good for us.

More than that, date night is actually enjoyable (for the record, so are Brussels sprouts if you pan fry them with some lemon juice and kosher salt!) but you wouldn’t know it the way some couples manage to avoid it.

The problem with date night is that we humans love the comfort of routine.

Stepping outside our little daily schedules takes a bit of effort. It’s much, much easier to just sit on the couch and watch TV than it is to plan a date night and spend quality time with your spouse.

And hey – I have nothing against sitting on the couch watching TV. My husband and I spent last night doing just that. But doing it every night is hardly the stuff of an impassioned marriage.

So we’ve come up with the perfect solution to ease you not too far from your sofa, nor your TV… but with all the perks of spending some real date night time with your spouse.

It’s our couples massage videos.

And, if I do say so myself, we’ve hit on all the right ingredients for a great date night at home without the big problems of planning, leaving the house or even finding things to talk about together, which can be hard if you’ve already seen each other all week long.

It also ticks the novelty box, a crucial ingredient for any effective date night.

1. The planning is done for you

Lifetime access to our Melt: Massage for Couples video series gives you three pre-planned date nights, instantly. The series is broken down into 17 techniques over three separate stages, culminating in follow-along massage routines at the end of each so you can start treating your spouse to a massage right away.

The only thing you really need to do in advance is pick up some massage oil from the grocery store or the drugstore next time you’re swinging through. Everything else, you should already have at home waiting to go.

2. You don’t have to leave the house

This massage date night is done from the comfort of your living room floor. You can event stream the courses right to your smart television or laptop, so you don’t have to leave your technology behind if you really are attached to it.

3. It gives you something to do

A massage date night means you’re not sitting across the table from each other in a restaurant, dependent on scintillating conversation. Some weeks in a marriage, the conversation flows naturally. Others, you may find yourselves with little to say…. Which is why some couples opt for the movies on their date nights instead.

The massage videos are also a better option than a movie, because although you are watching the tutorials, you’re interactively engaging with each other at the same time. You quite literally have your hands all over each other – and it’s a lot of fun!

4. You’re learning something new

Learning new things together and doing something completely different both work to spark the same brain chemistry as when you first fell in love. You should feel a rush of dopamine and serotonin in your system, the side effects of which include: laughter, smiling, a closer connection with your partner and spontaneous affection. Lovely.

Want to try it? Here’s how…

Because we want you all to have a chance to try a massage date night at home, we’re offering Simple Marriage readers a very special price for our lifetime memberships. Get instant access to the videos now for just $69 – but only for this week – usually $99!

That’s 30% off, and works out to less than $25 per date night… plus, you’ll have the videos forever so you can load it up and use the follow-along massage routines anytime you feel like spoiling your sweetie (or coaxing them to spoil you!)

Learn more

The Problem With Date Night is written by guest from: Simple Marriage

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Source:The Problem With Date Night

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Love Agent: Best of Love Shared

Learn why men pull away, how to decode men, and know 3 secrets they won’t tell you! CLICK HERE

thinkinggirl2resized I didn’t realize when we first envisioned the Love Agent movement that we were  actually creating an ongoing mechanism for relational breakthroughs until recently when it has became clear how challenging it is for our hundreds of love agents to go from being registered to engaged.   I naively thought that our little love missions would become a simple self fulfilling prophecy as people experienced how enhancing their intimate connections makes their lives more satisfying and whole.  I underestimated how becoming more loving in our lives actually represents a break through in our thinking.  And that It isn’t just our busyness that keeps people from engaging as love agents, but rather our initial resistance to changing our thinking and our lack of practice in sustaining it.

But the interesting thing is that when Love Agents get started they often can’t stop.  Many of our love agents perform multiple missions at a time because as they experience the break through in their relationship, each mission gets easier and more accessible.   One of our newest love agents started with her version of Kiss and Tell:

“Being recently married, we decided to be fully open with each other before embarking on this new chapter of our lives. It has been hard being vulnerable, but it’s important to do if you are engaging in a serious relationship with someone.
I expressed to my partner my need to feel emotional attention from him, and my fear of abandonment. It opened up a door for discussion, and allowed him to understand some behaviors that resulted from those fears. And… now we are married! So I guess it helped!

If you are not able to be fully transparent with your partner emotionally, how can you be fully open sexually?”

This small recognition of what it means to be vulnerable was all it took for her love agent engagement to take off.  What breakthrough is waiting for you?

Source:Love Agent: Best of Love Shared

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Engaging Our Breakthroughs

Learn why men pull away, how to decode men, and know 3 secrets they won’t tell you! CLICK HERE

nightsky2 “…Having breakthroughs isn’t the point.  Living them is.  Seeing in a new way is only the beginning.” -Martha Beck

 

I find myself sobbing in a bathroom stall in the Chicago airport on my way to a meeting across the country, thinking “has it really come to this?” Grief catches up to us in unexpected places and times. The airport bathroom scene was triggered by sitting near a young family with four kids on the plane I had just unboarded, recognizing the finality of my active mom days that has shaped my world for over 25 years.  It occurred to me, as I walked the endless corridors between gates, that we spend the first half of life building, acquiring and creating what we are then required to let go of in the second half. On some moving walkway an emotional breakthroughs comes through me, unannounced like the change of the sudden thunderstorm over head, and I realize that this grief of mine is a privilege that I earned. This breakthrough in thinking lifted me and gratitude replaced my despair.

And yet, it wasn’t like this single moment of graceful clarity is sufficient. What most people don’t understand about breakthroughs is that they are not really sudden shifts, but rather incremental steps in re-shaping our thinking. Truth be told more often, it is easy for me to become overwhelmed with the emptiness that I have long associated with letting go. It takes vigilant practice; as I make my way home the next day to literally remind myself to replace the old familiar fear of abandonment with the truth of the gratitude I feel for all the time I had with them, and for all that is yet to come. Amidst stories of tragic and premature deaths, violence and mayhem happening far and wide, learning to hold my grief as a gift, a treasure of parenting gone right, requires  a surprising amount of attention and discipline.

Our relationship to the emotional breakthroughs that transform our life and lead us in a truer new direction is counterintuitive. As humans we are generally wary of change, especially changing our minds. Usually, it requires a high degree of internal discomfort to pave the way for our capacity to suddenly see a situation and our own place in it differently. The more we numb our capacity to feel, the longer it takes for us to be ready for a shift. Likewise, the longer we live in discomfort, the more accustomed we become to accepting less than what we want from our lovers and our lives. Kind of like the frog that slowly gets boiled to death, we are good at stewing in the dysfunctional ways we live until finally we can’t take it anymore and then suddenly, we are graced to see that it can be different and that we can be different.

Sadly, it is way more common for breakthrough moments to get lost than it is for them to re-shape us. Even when we are graced with new insights, without the active practice of paying attention to our thinking, our new insights cannot take hold and become a part of us. Becoming deliberate about waking up our thinking process is the cornerstone of engaging with life in a way that evolves and makes us more of who we are. So my practice goes on, this weekend as I drive away watching him walk into his new life. We will see how I make this breakthrough part of me.

 

Source:Engaging Our Breakthroughs

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