Why Men Pull Away – Top 3 Secrets They Won’t Tell You

Dianne, a friend since high school, was distraught. She bugs me:  why men pull away, even when they say they love her?

 [Learn Why Men Pull Away CLICK HERE ] 

And why men pull away from the relationship after intimacy?

why men pull away- why are they not talking

Why can’t they just talk? Or, simply hold hands?

I gave her a quick, short  answer.

“I got to this site wherein a ‘bad boy’ by the name of  TDubb explained in video how a woman can capture or recapture the man of his dreams, how to keep him committed, and even marry her without resorting to gimmicks or threats.”

So, my short answer to her why men pull away when in love,  was to check out   TDubb’s Girl Gets Ring Video presentation, CLICK HERE  and find out how.

Dianne’s Background

Dianne had two previous relationships which didn’t work out well. Her first was with Bobby. They had one year of passionate relationship. She described it as hot, and cold,  ”tumultuous”,was another descriptor she said.

When Bobby pulled away , Michael came. This time, she learned enough from her previous relationship.  But it didn’t last. They lasted three years, though.

Now, she’s with  Harry, for two years now. But, it appears they are heading in the same direction.

She can’t understand why Harry says he loves her, yet won’t commit to her, or propose to marry her despite the “all” that she has given to him.

Now, at 32, and her biological clock ticking away, she’s frustrated. She even began to have doubts about her self worth. And she’s desperately groping for answers … how she can keep her man.

Video – When men pull away or lose interest …

Six months later, she sent me this video. She appears very happy and fulfilled.

She finally met the man who’d die to be by her side. How did she do it?

Let her do the talking. So short, and sweet!

What was the “top secret” she found out?

My long answer why men pull away …

I started with a contentious bombshell.

In about 80% of the time, how a man loves you has nothing to do with with his willinness to commit to you, or marry you.

Did I hear howls of protests?

Many will agree or disagree with this statement.

Most men will agree, most women won’t.

See, the gender factor alone, tells a lot about how men and women think differently.

Over a cup of Starbucks, I explained to her three secrets men keep close to their hearts.  The funny thing is, most of them are not even aware of this.

Secret #1 – Men process their feelings in their guts, women, in their hearts.

Understanding this is crucial.

A simple solution is to always is to always keep the communication lines open.

Dianne protested.

“But what if he is the one who shuts the line off?”

I answered her with a question.

“Do you think that if he reacts that way, you can keep on keeping up with him?”

Then, I followed it up with this thought.

Men, typically won’t speak up unless they think of you as a confidante who can keep secrets, and not someone who will use the same knowledge to hurt them.

So, another thing to ponder is: how do you become a confidante to him? And in the process, how does he become a confidante to you?

Men have a mission in Life …

This is a very important concept. If there’s only one thins that you must remember, this is it.

Secret #2 – Men have this “mission in life” to fulfill”.

Most men are not conscious about this, but deep in their guts … they want to prove something to themselves. TDubb calls this the “hero avatar”.

This is probably, the primary reason why men won’t move up to next level of commitment.

Even if he’s had “everything” with you, if his gut tells him that you will make his load heavier on his journey to complete his “mission”, he will dilly-dally, or keep on vacillating.

So unless that he sees you and feels deep inside him, that you are THE ONE  who would lighten up his load and help him reach his “mission” in life … chances are that  he’d still pull away.

The Real Him

Secret #3 – Men are really soft inside, and they too, want to be loved for the “real him”, warts and all.

This is tricky.

At the start of any relationship, when men start to strut around you – they will usually put their best “mask” forward.

Men may buy you expensive gifts, and invite you to expensive dinners.  Men will want to impress you to get your attention.

But, if you already have given him your attention, and reciprocated your interest in him, he will then start to think about showing or revealing the real him for you.

The problem is, he may not yet be comfortable about this.

If he feels safe and trusts you enough, he will. If not, he will continue to wear his mask.

This question bugs him: What if you reject him?

So, if you keep on expecting that you go to fancy restaurants, be given fancy gifts, and fancy everything … he may start to think that you fancy him only because of the fancy things he can give.

This is a “yellow” light that may lead to a “red” light.

What to do?

When you eat out, offer to pay the bill. He will refuse this 95% of the time.

But, if you insist, and even “intercept” the bill … you send him a different signal that it’s not the “fancy” things that you like in him.

An easier thing to do is encourage him to take you to the less expensive restaurants in the likes of McDonald’s, Taco Bell, or Carl’s Jr. Or, suggest gifts that are meaningful yet not expensive.

Or time alone, when you can be intimate without necessary being physical.

It is  important that you  make him feel that it is “him”, that you really fancy. And not the fancy things that he gives you, which seldom lasts anyway.

This way, you are telling him that you like the “real him”.

Secret #4 – How not to make your man pull away …

Finally, I told her that there is a fourth one.

“A fourth one?”

Yes I said. Not only 4, but more!

You see, men, are like women. They are a complex creature.

“If you are really interested”, I said, “to understand men, and get the man you’d like to live with, and be married with in bliss till death do you apart”, I continued, “then, do your future family a favor.”

“What is it?”, she looked at me in anticipation.

Go to this free presentation by TDubb, and get his “Girl Gets Ring” system, Click Here.

If for whatever reason, you think that it is not helpful … you can easily return it, “ala-Amazon”.

Summary- Top 3 Secrets Why Men Pull Away

1.  Men want to be able to open up their deepest and most sacred thoughts to their girls “chaff and grain” together without getting “busted”.

2. Men have a “mission in life”. It’s up to you to make him feel that you can make his journey lighter. Or, heavier.

3. Men want to be loved and appreciated for the real him, and not the “mask” or front, that they wear.

When  Men Pull Away – Action You Can Take Now

Go to this free video training  training   and learn how capture your dream man, and make him feel glad, proud, and loved, you did. This  video could be taken down without notice.

Learn Why Men Pull Away

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Why Men Cheat – 5 Top Causes

Infidelity is a major cause of breakups. The question why men cheat has been asked a million times by a million women, and answers and solutions have been prof erred.

[Beat Them Men Cheaters Up! Learn How - CLICK HERE]

Yet the phenomenon persists. Men still cheat. And, women do, too!

Nea Joy presents her analysis why men cheat, and presents her solutions how to keep them from turning left.

5 Reasons Why Men Cheat and How to Keep Your Man Faithful

Author: Nea Joy

In marriages and committed relationships, most of us expect the obvious: commitment. Unfortunately, even after vowing to forsake all others, many people cheat. Countless studies and real life experiences tell us that men are more likely to cheat than women. That’s no big secret! However, the reasons why men cheat remain a mystery to most of us.

Well, there’s some good news: There are some things you can do to help keep your man from cheating on you. The key is to understand the answer to the question, “Why do men cheat?”

Before you read this list of reasons why men cheat, let’s make one thing clear. If your man cheats on you, it is not your fault. It is ultimately his responsibility to keep “it” in his pants. These tips on how to keep your man from cheating on you can simply help you to help him do what he should do anyway.

With that disclaimer out of the way, lets move on to look at some of the reasons why men cheat.

Reasons Why Men Cheat

1. Immaturity

For the immature man, cheating is often the result of a lack of self control and a sense of entitlement. He may feel that he deserves multiple women, thus he doesn’t even try to be a loyal husband or boyfriend.

Such a man may cheat on his wife or girlfriend no matter what she says or does. He is too immature and irresponsible to understand (or even care) about the damaging effects of his infidelity. He’s also not man enough to admit his unwillingness to commit, thus you’ll have to catch him red-handed. The only tip for a woman who’s dating Mr. Immature is to “kick him to the curve.” This guy is an STD-risk and a threat to your emotional well-being. Don’t waste your time.

2. Feelings of Inadequacy

Another of the reasons men cheat because they feel insecure or somehow inadequate. Although they may not tell you that they need to hear words of validation, many men secretly yearn for it. A guy who is usually faithful may be tempted to cheat on you if he’s feeling inadequate. A bit of flattering attention from another woman may stroke his ego in a way that he finds simply irresistible. Don’t leave this hole in your relationship.

If your man seems macho, confident, or even cocky, it’s still a good idea to let him know what you love about him. Don’t wait on another woman to come along and tell him the all the things he’s dying to hear. If you like the way he looks or smells, tell him. If he’s a good provider and protector, tell him.

For some men, the feelings of inadequacy are so out of control that no amount of ego stroking will keep him from cheating on you. This type of man uses multiple women to distract him from his extreme insecurities. It’s important for you to remember that you can only do so much. If you do your best to show him that you admire and appreciate him, the rest is up to him.

3. The Challenge

Many men love a challenge-a bit of a chase. When a woman seems unattainable, she is interesting. When she is not giving in to him, making him work for her affections, she captivates him. Men who love a challenge will get bored quickly with an easy, spineless woman.

If you’re a “Yes girl” once you’re in a committed relationship, this may be a recipe for infidelity. By not giving in to his every whim, you can keep a man interested and prevent him from cheating. Make sure he knows that, although you love him, you will not be walked on. Let him know that he will always have to be diligent in order to keep you. A strong, confident woman is very interesting and attractive to most men. Be that woman so he doesn’t cheat on you in order to find her.

4. Sexual Frustration

Most women assume that the reason men cheat is just for the sex. That’s usually not the whole story, but sexual frustration can be a factor. As time passes in relationships, the quantity (or quality) of sex may change. He wants sex-you have a headache. He wants sex-you’re too tired. He wants sex-you unenthusiastically give in. He wants oral sex-you’re not into that.

Men naturally think about sex more than most women and suppressing their desires is extremely difficult. Blame the testosterone for that. If you don’t want your husband or boyfriend to feed his sexual urges with other women, reduce the chances of this happening by keeping him satisfied. Have your hormones checked if your libido is extremely low. Don’t just dismiss the notion that a healthy sex life is important to prevent infidelity.

When it comes to sex in relationships, it’s not all about how often you do it. Even if you have sex everyday, sexual frustration can arise when you and your man aren’t interested in the same types of sexual acts.

It’s best to find out early on what a man likes sexually; therefore, you can pass on the relationship opportunity if you are not sexually compatible. If you’re sexually conservative, don’t bother getting involved with a man who loves anal sex, role play, BDSM, or other non-traditional forms of pleasure. Choose a man whose needs you are willing to satisfy-and do it. If you wait until post-commitment to tell him that you’re not open to his favorite sexual acts, he’ll become so sexually frustrated that it will be hard to keep him from cheating on you.

5. Escape from Reality

Passion, fire, and excitement abound in new relationships. Unfortunately, a lot of this dwindles away after getting married, having kids, or remaining in a long-term relationship. Unfortunately, one of the reasons men cheat is that those magical sparks stop flying. This is especially common when couples begin to have kids. Instead of long vacations, nights on the town, and frequent sex, life becomes all about dirty diapers, temper tantrums and extra stress. This is a bad time to add the trauma of infidelity to the problems in a relationship, but some men seek to escape the reality of their changing lives.

To keep your man faithful as life changes so drastically, keep the communication channels open. Discuss the changes that you’re facing and how you both plan to deal with them. Furthermore, do not let life become completely about work, kids, and household chores. Your marriage or relationship should also be a top priority and it is important that you make it so. Schedule date nights, talk openly and continually relight the flame between you two. No matter how you choose to do it, remember to show the man you love that your life with him is an equally important part of your reality.

In addition to cheating, there are many reasons that relationships fail. You can’t possibly get all the answers from one article. I hope you’ll check out RelationshipSaga.com for more information on how to fix your relationship problems before it’s too late.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/infidelity-articles/5-reasons-why-men-cheat-and-how-to-keep-your-man-faithful-3611768.html

About the Author

Nea Joy is the founder of Law of Attraction based self-help blog, Self Improvement Saga, and the relationship advice website, Relationship Saga.  She specializes in teaching the art of joyful living through personal growth, healthy relationships, and deliberate use of the Universal Law of Attraction. Enhance your life today by visiting http://self-improvement-saga.com for free articles, tips, newsletters, and much more.

Ms. Joy cites being a strong women as a factor that keeps him in “check”. She also dismisses immature and irresponsible men.  When it comes sex, she insists on compatibility and respect. When it comes to “spark”, she insists on excitement and communication as a cementing factor.

Her views on sex may not suit well people who live in societies which are as not open as the western culture. Whatever someone’s views are — sex happens. Just look at the internet.

To cite just one factor on how to keep your man faithful and prevent him from cheating — it is in the women’s strength, and how she shows it, and asserts it.

So cheating men, beware of the strong woman! (She’ll beat you up! :) )

Why Men Cheat- Here’s  What You Can Do and Be NOT a Victim

You can learn valuable tips and skills in this free video presentation that teaches you how to make your man not to even think about cheating, and  commit to you willingly, gladly, and even marry you!

Beat Them Men Cheaters Up! Learn How

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Guy Pulls Away – Why oh why!
Why Men Pull Away, Top 3 Secrets
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Why Men Cheat – 5 Top Causes

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Guy Pulls Away – Why oh why!

When a guy pulls away, would you know why?

Probably not. You may have speculations, but unless you talk to him and he becomes truthful, I doubt.

[ When Guys Pull Away, Follow This Formula - CLICK HERE ] 

So, the best cure is always prevention.

Kathy on this article reveals 3 things that she thinks she did that made his guy pull away the last time.

Why a Guy Pulls Away – 3 Things You Must Do to Keep Him From Pulling Away - by Kathy

So you found the guy of your dreams and you’ve been in a relationship with him for quite awhile. You know he loves you and you’re ready to get married. He hasn’t popped the question yet and you feel as if he never will.

Using threats out of desperation is like committing relationship suicide. Women that continue to use threats must believe there’s a good reason, (especially if they’ve been in a long relationship) but then they wonder why a guy pulls away.

They want marriage so badly, that making threats is a common issue. Women who force demands on their guy don’t realize the pressure they are putting him under, so therefore he terminates the relationship. By giving your guy a now-or-never ultimatum will cause him to pack his bags and run. There are 3 things you must do to keep him from pulling away.

1-Don’t be over-bearing- Men think they are the stronger of the sex. They don’t want to be told what to do. They express their feeling in a different way than women. They want to make their own decisions in their own time without someone pushing them. Be patient and caring. If they sense you are trying to push them and are over-bearing, they will hold back their true feelings.

They love their gal, but they can only take so much before they pull out. You need to understand his feelings and concerns which will bring him closer to you. By giving him some slack will make him more comfortable with you. Deep down inside, he wants you for his wife, but he is testing the waters because he knows a commitment is for life.

2-Show him the real you- Some women think by pretending to be what they’re not, will impress a guy. It’s quite the opposite. Men love a woman who is real and natural and doesn’t pretend or lie. If he catches you in a lie, he will never trust you. Love and marriage are based on trust. So be yourself and be totally honest with him. He will love you for it.

Women in a relationship get caught with their pretenses and their guy can sense that. If that happens, he will pull away. Remember, he is looking for marriage material, but he isn’t going to tell you that.

Although he is watching your actions and desires, he isn’t aware of it. He puts up his guard and it’s up to you to tear it down. Stay sharp and focused on his actions and don’t give him a reason to doubt your love or trust.

3-Your First Impression- Your first impression is on your first date and that’s when the seed starts to grow. Guys love to impress a new girlfriend making them think he is financially successful. He wants her to like him and he knows money is the way to steal her heart. The problem is that after awhile he gets caught up in his own game.

Women let their guy buy them expensive gifts, go to fancy restaurants and will accept what their boyfriend offers. Now he feels trapped and is to proud to tell her he can’t keep spending all this money. When he feels trapped, he will walk away. Most women don’t realize what they’re doing, so they wonder why their guy pulled away.

If he starts buying you expensive gifts, don’t accept them. After a couple times of taking you to a fancy restaurant, you pick a cheap restaurant. If you truly love him, you won’t care where he takes you. Offer to fix dinner at your house or apartment (or his). That way he can see how good of a cook you are as a future wife. He may very well have lots of money, but act as though he doesn’t. If he thinks you want him for his money and not for him, he will know it and leave the relationship.

You must follow these 3 tips to keep him from pulling away. Be patient and let his love grow for you. If you do, he will eventually ask you to marry him. Don’t be like so many women that wonder why a guy pulls away . You have a wonderful life ahead of you with the guy of your dreams. Just follow your heart and heed the advice in this article.

About the Author

I was in a relationship where my guy eventually pulled away. I was over-bearing, making threats and giving him ultimatums and then he pulled away. I was really hurt. I realized after I lost him what I had done.

Then I found this guy who has been a relationship specialist for 16 years. He has a training video and tons of advice that got me on the right track. So when I finally met the guy of my dreams, I followed the advice from T’Dub’s video and training. My my guy did commit and we are now happily married.

Go to: www.KeepaGuy.info and watch T’Dub’s video and see how to get your guy to pop the question without using threats or ultimatums.


When A Guy Pulls Away – here’s what you can do to prevent it

Kathy followed the teachings of this guy on the video behind the “click”. Find out to how to keep your from guy pulling away.

Learn valuable tips and skills in this free video presentation that teaches you how to make your man commit to you willingly, gladly, even marry you!

When Guys Pull Away, Follow This Formula – CLICK HERE

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What Do Men Want In Relationships

Do men want in relationships, always sex?

[Find Out What Men Want In Relationships CLICK HERE]

As a man myself,  my answer is Yes…

BUT … Not only that. :)

Here’s a very enlightening article that gives women great clues that men not only want sex in relationships, but a lot,lot more.

What Do Men Want in Relationships?
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=A_Aaron]A Aaron

Have you ever wondered why men seem to want you one day, then wants more “space” the next? Ever wondered why most men find it hard to commit? These and many other questions plaque the minds of many women today – just what do men want in relationships?

The surprising thing is that what men want in relationships are pretty much the same things that women want. Here are some of the things men want, and why:

#1 – Men want freedom.

When a man first enters the dating game, he’s in it for the fun. He’s out to meet new women and make new friends, and finding someone to marry is probably the last thing on his mind. He’s enjoying his life to the hilt, and still loves many aspects of his single life — his hobbies, his friends, his career.

A stigma of relationships today is the idea that once you get into a relationship, you lose your freedom to do the things you used to enjoy. This is precisely why many men are uncomfortable being in a relationship and living under its “rules.” But what most people don’t realize is that it’s still possible to enjoy your freedom while sharing it with someone you love.

So the best tip you can remember to ensure his freedom is this: Don’t be too clingy. As the popular song goes, “Everybody needs a little time away from each other.” Let him enjoy his time, and do the same every now and then.

#2 – Men want enjoyment.

The reason why most men space out of their relationships is because they simply don’t find it fun anymore. This could either be because their girlfriends try to ask for too much attention, or talk about too many problems, or simply aren’t any fun to be with. Do you like the idea of spending the rest of your life with someone so negative? Exactly.

To make the relationship a happier place for him (and you), learn to be in total control of your emotions, instead of being a slave to them. This doesn’t mean you’ll need to filter out all the negative emotions, but instead of letting them rule you, acknowledge them and move on. And always try to bring positive, enjoyable things to the table in the relationship.

#3 – Men want independent women.

Let’s face it — too many women today think of themselves too much. They depend on their friends, their money, and their boyfriends to stay happy. But you’ll be surprised at how being able to stand on your own two feet is a very irresistible quality to have. Men love being with independent women, simply because independent women are a rarity these days.

It may sound hard, but it’s always possible to tweak your personality to be more free, more enjoyable, and more independent. It’s all a man wants in a relationship!

Find out the [http://www.datingquestionsforwomen.com/the-ten-most-dangerous-mistakes-you-probably-make-with-men-and-what-to-do-about-it]ten most dangerous mistakes you probably make with men – and what you can do about it.

Visit http://www.datingquestionsforwomen.com for more relationship advice.

Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?What-Do-Men-Want-in-Relationships?&id=2563130] What Do Men Want in Relationships?

Of the 3 things Aaron cited, I cite independent women as the most attractive. Men face it. We want a strong woman. A woman who can carry the cudgels when we cannot.

If you are reading this and only need to remember one thing, this is it:  strength.

That’s one trait men want in relationships. (Other than sex? :) )

What men want in relationships – here’s what you can do.

You can learn valuable tips and skills in this free video presentation that generally teaches what your man want in your relationship.

Find Out What Men Want In Relationships

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Why men pull away, top 3 secrets
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When Men Withdraw – So Be It?

Is it just right when men withdraw, and we let them be?

[When Men Withdraw, Know Why CLICK HERE]

It is  a common occurrence in relationships that a man (or a woman) suddenly withdraws, asking for “space”, and you’re left in a shell not understanding what is happening.

In this article, Katherine shares what she does and will do, if her man suddenly pulls away.


What To Do When Men Withdraw and Suddenly ‘Need Their Space’
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Breanne_Katherine]Breanne Katherine

Has your man suddenly gotten distant and your not sure why or what may have triggered his frustrations?

Has he stopped talking to you quite as often or does it seem as though he lacks interest during the time he has to spend with you?

The reasoning behind why a man might withdraw from a relationship is varied and subject to several cause and effect scenarios.

However, the majority of the time – most men withdraw from relationships either because they are no longer interested, do not feel appreciated, have lost their own self-respect, or a mixture of all the above.

In order to gauge where your man is at and why he is suddenly withdrawing from the relationship, you’ll need to do a little research. Try to understand what is going on in his mind by having a conversation with him and reading his body language.

Do not assume that your relationship is or was solid. Open communication needs to be a must for any relationship to achieve long-term success. Without it, pent-up emotions and feelings will one day release a negative explosion, which isn’t always healthy for either of you.

Be sure that from the very beginning of the relationship, you are both open and honest with each other. Express your feelings, emotions, worries, concerns, fears, ideas, and desires on a consistent basis.

Also make sure that you consider his in return. If you make an attempt to put his priorities in front of your own, you will see a drastic change in his desire to do the same; thus, inevitably getting what you want and deserve from the relationship.

By exuding empathy and support with what he fears and worries over, you will create a trusting bond that allows him to confide in you. By sharing in your understanding together, the two of you will create a long and lasting relationship.

The two of you are a team – by choosing to be in a relationship together, you have ultimately decided that you will share, support, and burden each others wants, fears, and desires as a unit.

You may not agree with some of the choices he makes and vice versa, but as long as they are reasonable and remain faithful, there should be nothing the two of you can’t work through together.

Patience is another major factor in achieving the kind of relationship you have always dreamed about.

No relationship is perfect, they all take practice and consistency.

However with a little time, the two of you will eventually learn how to handle and accomplish hundreds of incredible feats you wouldn’t have had the opportunity of experiencing if either of you were single.

If your man claims that he needs his space, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It could potentially mean just that – that he needs a little space to recuperate and feel like himself before he decides what to do with his love life.

It doesn’t have to mean that he is dumping you and moving right on to the next girl he finds. He is probably simply seeking some alone time to gather his thoughts and figure out what he truly wants.

The best way to handle this kind of situation is to respect it. If you fight and beg for him to change his mind it will only make him resent you, and probably have him leaving for good – don’t do this!

Instead, tell him that you disagree with his choice (if you do) but you are willing to wait for him if he chooses to change his mind. Assure him that you are always available to talk and remind him quickly how much you will always care for him, either way he goes.

Give him something to really ponder over – don’t let his last impression of you to make his choice with, be one of the two of you screaming and arguing with each other.

Make it a memory that he will want to come back to, one that will make him feel ridiculous for ever having to ‘need his space’ to begin with.


Pay Very Close Attention Here -

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Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?What-To-Do-When-Men-Withdraw-and-Suddenly-Need-Their-Space&id=6432903] What To Do When Men Withdraw and Suddenly ‘Need Their Space’


She says that  when men withdraws, it usually is a loss in interest, either in the relationship, or in his ability to sustain a relationship. That communication is a must.

And most importantly,  leave him a loving impression that he is losing a big thing if he does not realize the love and value that you hold for him.

When men withdraw – here’s what you can do.

Become a better person.  You can learn valuable tips and skills in this free video presentation that teaches you how to make your man commit to you willingly, gladly, even marry you!

When Men Withdraw, Know Why

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Know the signs when men pull away

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When Men Pull Away, Be Wiser

Know the signs when men pull away

Sometimes, we are not sure when men pull away from us. It’s hard to read minds.

[ When Men Pull Away - Be Wiser, Click Here ] 

However, there are resources we can cite to confirm, or debunk if our man is pulling away from us.

Here is such an article.

When Men Pull Away – Top Three Signs That He Is Pulling Away
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Alyssa_A._H]Alyssa A. H

You are probably reading this article because you get that sneaky feeling that your boyfriend is pulling away from you or being distant.

You are not one hundred per cent sure because let’s face it, you may be over reacting but one thing you do know is that something has changed and you need to get to the bottom of it.

If there is one thing I have learnt is that when you think that something is off, very often you are right!

So let’s go through the top three signs that will clue you in on whether or not your boyfriend is pulling away from you.

1. He spends a lot less time with you now than he did before and he tells you that he is busy as his excuse as to why you two are spending little time together.

So in other words, if you two were seeing each other four or five times a week, you are barely seeing him once or twice now.

When you do see him, the conversation is not as free flowing and it seems as though his mind is elsewhere. His body is there but his mind clearly is not.

In addition, it doesn’t seem like it is even that big of a deal that you two aren’t seeing each other as often. He just does not seem to care.

What the heck? Doesn’t he miss you at all? This is definitely a sign to monitor.

2. He doesn’t call you as often as he used to and again it doesn’t seem like he even misses hearing your voice.

When you call him, he is always too busy to have a real meaningful conversation with you and you always feel as though he is leaving you hanging.

If anything, this is one of the most important signs to take note of.

Does it seem as though you have unfinished business with him, like if a door is always being closed in your face without you being able to express yourself or spend time being with him or talking with him?

3. He doesn’t make plans in advance like he did before.

When you two first started seeing each other, he made plans way in advance. This, as you know, is one of the signs that a guy is interested in you and wants to impress you with all of the fancy places he can take you. He wants to make sure that you two do exciting things together.

So when he starts to get downright lazy and nonchalant about what you two are doing and when, that is a clear sign that he is taking a big step back from the relationship and his commitment to you!

These are three of the main signs that your boyfriend is pulling back from you. Even one of these in isolation signals that there may be a problem in your relationship that needs a speedy solution of some type. For more signs that your guy may be pulling away from you, click on the link below to visit my blog!

Find out why a guy will pull away from the woman he loves if he is not ready to get married here at http://www.committedrelationship.blogspot.com Why is your man pulling away from you?

Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?When-Men-Pull-Away---Top-Three-Signs-That-He-Is-Pulling-Away&id=7091216] When Men Pull Away – Top Three Signs That He Is Pulling Away

In summary,  Alyssa is telling us that if he spends less time, calls less, and plans less than before, he may be starting to pull away .

Heck, why don’t you confront him and hear it from?

When Men Pull Away – What You Can Do

Learn the ways of the man. Man is a complex being.  I suggest you hear this free training video on how you make your man commit to you gladly, willingly, even marry you!

When Men Pull Away – Be Wiser, Click Here


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Getting Along With Your Spouse’s Family During the Holidays

Learn why men pull away, how to decode men, and know 3 secrets they won’t tell you! CLICK HERE

Enjoying Family at Holidays “I just don’t understand why your mom has to have the Christmas decorations like that. It’s dangerous for the kids.”

“Maybe I don’t feel like going Christmas caroling in the neighborhood. Why can’t your dad understand that?”

“Why does your sister insist we keep up with that silly tradition? I never did that in my family.”

Yes, the holidays are in full swing and that means visiting with family.

And it often means (gulp) visiting your in-laws and possibly the entire clan.

During the holidays, emotions and expectations run high. Getting along with your own family can be challenging enough let alone getting along with your spouse’s family.

To maintain marital happiness, it’s important to know how to not only survive the holidays with your extended family, but to really enjoy them.

Here Are 7 Tips to Keep In Mind Over This Holiday Season

#1 – Recognize It May Not Be How Your Family Does Things

“But this isn’t how I grew up doing Christmas!”

Yes, your spouse’s family may do things differently. They might have different traditions or customs. That’s OK! The first step is to be aware of it and then not to compare. Be open to adapting to something new.

#2 – Take a Break When Needed

Dealing with a mother-in-law, a rude uncle, or crazy cousins can be challenging at items. To avoid a meltdown, take a break. Stand up, go outside, or do whatever works for you to get some relief.

Just be sure to let your wife or husband know what you’re doing. And let him or her know in a nice way.

#3 – Don’t Take It Out On Your Spouse

When challenging times come up, remember it’s not your spouse’s fault. Don’t get frustrated with them.

What their family does isn’t necessarily a reflection of the person you fell in love with and married. Remember that!

As always, focus on great communication and expressing yourself clearly without being negative.

#4 – Look For the Good

Every family, no matter how “dysfunctional” has positive attributes. After all, your husband or wife came from this family – there’s got to be something good about them!

Your job is to find the positive things and focus on them over the holidays.

#5 – Look For the Commonalities

Just like focusing on the good stuff, you’ve got to be active in looking for the stuff you share in common with your spouse’s family. Chances are pretty good, there are at least a few things that are the same with what you’re used to.

Whether it’s decorating a Christmas tree, sipping on eggnog, or playing card games, there should be a lot of things you can think to do together with your extended family.

#6 – Start New Family Traditions

With your spouse’s family, you can start some new holiday traditions. Together with your husband or wife, come up with some ideas that would be fun to do together with the extended family.

Then, present the ideas together and see if everyone would be willing to do them. It can be as simple as going sledding or eating pizza on Christmas Eve. The goal is to create something that you can look forward to doing with the family.

#7 – Be Grateful That You Have a Family

The holidays are a time to be grateful. This starts with your spouse.

Many people, for various reasons, don’t have the fortune of enjoying the holidays with family. Start first with your spouse and be grateful that he or she is in your life. Then look outward and see the good in the people that you get to spend time with.

When you come from a place of gratitude, it’s hard to see any negative. In fact, your experience will usually be the opposite.

Enjoy the Holidays

The holidays are meant to be enjoyed.

By being aware of the differences and celebrating the commonalities, you’ll find that visiting the dreaded in-laws can become a blessing for both you and your spouse.

Getting Along With Your Spouse’s Family During the Holidays is written by Sean from: Simple Marriage



Source:Getting Along With Your Spouse’s Family During the Holidays

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Leaders Are Made of Love

Learn why men pull away, how to decode men, and know 3 secrets they won’t tell you! CLICK HERE

lovetunnelresized If you haven’t yet seen the Heisman trophy acceptance speech by Marcus Mariota, give yourself a moment of cheer and watch what real love looks like. He is living proof that real leaders are not born, but rather made through the grace of being loved. I live in Eugene, OR and college football is how we are known, if we are at all throughout the country. Phil Knight’s Nike has long made us the fashion statement of the league, with enough uniforms to outfit ten schools, but there is nothing like true leadership when it comes to a winning trajectory.

Listening to Marcus receive his award last night, which accompanied an entire sweep of awards he has won during this season, is a lesson into what makes greatness. It was a homage of gratitude to his fellow players, to his coaches “who gave him a chance,” to his community, to his fans and finally, in tears, to his family who have “sacrificed to give him and his brother every opportunity.” Not a word about his raw athleticism or the work ethic that he bestowed on our winning team this year.  Rather he went back to his roots, as the first Polynesian to win this kind of award, hoping that this victory will be one that inspires all of his tribe to strive for greatness.

Throughout the season, Marcus’ winning ways were never something he boasted or took for himself.  It has been such a pleasure to watch him because of his profound generosity, which in turn makes every guy on the team his best friend, willing to take a fall, a hit or go beyond their limits.  That is how real leaders do it… They do it to make everyone else successful, which is how he could say in all honesty that his coveted 25lb Heisman belonged to everyone on his team.

His first move on winning the award was to turn back and hug to his mother and father sitting behind him. They have been behind him, teaching him in his own words “humility and respect” since he was a small boy, and throughout all the years in high school when he warmed the bench behind another quarterback.  Marcus didn’t play until his senior year, but he also didn’t quit, didn’t give up.

When we look at leveling the playing field in academics and athletics in this country and we spend so much time rearranging in the hopes of creating equity- we spend futile dollars on trying to create equity in our school systems, rather than doing the real work of  raising up and stabilizing broken families. Marcus Mariota is a boy who has a lot to give the world, way more than his amazing football throwing arm.  He should wake us up to what we owe to all our children- raised in love, humility and respect – the sky is the limit.

Marcus, we are so proud to have had the opportunity to watch you blossom here in Eugene and you star will burn bright.  A deep bow of gratitude for the loving parents that gave the gift of their love to all of us.

Source:Leaders Are Made of Love

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Sexual Confessions

Learn why men pull away, how to decode men, and know 3 secrets they won’t tell you! CLICK HERE


“Sex is full of lies. The body tries to tell the truth. But, it’s usually too battered with rules to be heard, and bound with pretenses so it can hardly move. We cripple ourselves with lies.” -Jim Morrison


In my newly uncensored voice, let me just finally own up to the truth that my sex life saves me. In fact, one could argue that I have built my whole life around that truth. I originally started Good Clean Love to save my sex life as the products then available on the market made having sex almost too painful to say yes.  I was worried… I knew then subconsciously what I am totally conscious of now- that having satisfying sex with my husband made the rest of our issues manageable.

In the weeks that went by without it, living together was challenging at best and there was worse than that, too. In fact, I am not sure we would still be together if I hadn’t started inventing love products. He cringes when he hears this, but that doesn’t make it untrue.

I often wonder about the couples who have given up on their sex lives. Truth is, I don’t know very many that end up together. There is a bonding that happens in our intimate connection that is as unique in its tenacity, as it is in the crazy acts that make it up.  The remarkable juncture unleashed by our erotic selves is at once a full coming to our senses and a complete forgetting of our egoic self.  It is where we are most animal and so completely human.

A lot of married and coupled people have real trouble getting to a space where we are freed from the mundane with one’s partner. People have said to me, “How could I do that with him when I sit at the table with him every night?” or “How could I do that to her, when she is the mother of my children?” We lose our erotic nerve with the people who most intimately inhabit our lives, leaving us no choice but to solicit the illicit relationships outside of our normative days to discover and reveal our erotic selves.  Then, instead of reveling in the amazing elasticity that our eroticism brings to our intimate partnerships, we are stuck with the shame and longing for something that is always just out of reach.

It isn’t like this dichotomy and discomfort is lost on me…  Coming up for air after the increasingly risqué and surprising sexual acrobatics that my fantasy life leads me on with my partner of 30 years – we lay entwined in the dim candle light, without words to process what we just did together. And then one of us gets up and somehow we slip back into this middle-aged married couple weighing our options of salad and sardines or going out for dinner. Before long, too short a time for me, the intense intimacy of our sexuality, tucks itself back into its holding zone.

Writing about my sex life is hard because it means I am also writing about my husband’s sex life, which he would never write about. This is the conundrum of any writer who aspires to authentic storytelling.  We can never just tell our own story, we have to tell it in a context for it to have meaning.  As open as I am about my line of work, interestingly it has made my kids more reticent about engaging in random acts of sex, so common to their generation.  And they aren’t particularly interested in TMI about their parents.  So no graphic details will ever be possible unless I adopt a pseudonym, which has occurred to me, except that I don’t want to have to divorce myself from the rich and complex worlds that my erotic self invents.  It only adds to the cultural shame.

This maybe is the first page of my new book- coming out in 2015- Sex That Works: Surrendering to Our Erotic Souls. It might just make me write graphically.

Source:Sexual Confessions

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Give Your OnlyHeart

Learn why men pull away, how to decode men, and know 3 secrets they won’t tell you! CLICK HERE

onlyheart While the Christmas season is often an flood of consumerism and advertising, there is a time when the giving of gifts is a great way to demonstrate love.

When this someone is your spouse, how can you accurately demonstrate your feelings in a gift?

You likely can’t completely because love is an everyday action, not simply the giving of gifts, but there are times when a gift is appropriate, a reminder for each other, and/or a token of your life together.

So how do you find something unique and one-of-a-kind?

What if there were a gift that could only be given once – to only one person?

There is.


OnlyHeart is a once in a lifetime gift that can only be given to one special person, and never again to another.

More than a gift, it is a promise made to the love of your life. In other words, your heart belongs to them and them alone.

The team at OnlyHeart actively tracks each purchase to ensure that this promise is kept.

The founder of OnlyHeart, Dev Anand, created this gift based on a belief that love needs to be forever. While looking for a gift for his girlfriend he wanted something meaningful and unique, but after searching he found himself disappointed with his options. Plus, he discovered that no matter how unique or exclusive a gift he bought her, someone else could always do the same.

And so he embarked on creating a gift that would express the promise he wanted to make to her. A special place in his heart that was for her and her alone.

By the way, the girlfriend that inspired this idea is now his wife.

My Experience

When Dev first approached my about his idea, I loved it right away.

I then bought one for my wife.

A week later when it arrived, she came home and found the elegant blue box waiting for her on the counter. Upon opening the box she loved what she saw, then loved it even more when she heard that this could only be given by me to her, and no one else.

If you want to do the same with your husband or wife, you can (because they also have a product designed for men).

The team at OnlyHeart is currently running a Kickstarter* campaign to help keep this concept going. You can help them out by supporting the campaign.

* In case you didn’t know: Kickstarter is the world’s largest crowdfunding platform that helps bring creative projects to life. Backers are rewarded based on their pledge, if the campaign is successful.

Give Your OnlyHeart is written by Corey from: Simple Marriage



Source:Give Your OnlyHeart

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Oral sex: By him, for her

Learn why men pull away, how to decode men, and know 3 secrets they won’t tell you! CLICK HERE

The following is the first chapter of a “How To” guide I’ve created on the topic of oral sex in marriage. This guide is included in Sex Like You’re On Vacation.

To be clear from the beginning, the ability to experience great sex is not discovered by following a step by step process.

If this were indeed the case then the magazines found in grocery store check out lines that share the latest tips to “go wild in bed” or “what every man really wants” would be the last magazine sold because everyone could simply follow the steps and have great sex.

No. Sex is more than technique. It’s more than an act.

It’s also more than intercourse.

Sex has its own elegance within marriage. Marital sex – the most important and only appropriate type, in my view – is powerful, chaotic, and wild. Sex is filled with spiritual and emotional energy. It’s the union of two beings and is referred in the Bible as “knowing” each other. “And Adam KNEW Eve his wife,” Genesis 4:1.

All this is to say that this little handbook is not intended to produce great sexual experiences in your marriage. Great sexual experiences are the result of couples learning how to truly LIVE in richer, more transparent, more thoughtful, passionate, playful and intentional ways.

What will follow is intended to educate you on the basics of sexual activities.

If your upbringing was anything like mine (raised in a conservative, fundamental Christian home) then your sex education was largely an unspoken expectation of “don’t do it until you are married.” So if you go through your adolescence with this looming expectation and guilt, then you say “I do” and the whole sexual world is supposed to be open to you, how do you discover all that this part of your marriage has to offer?

For most people, you discover a routine that works to get the job done, then you follow it to the letter every time (okay, with one or two variations). There’s little to no novelty, eroticism, playfulness, and intrigue.

I took my first course in human sexuality at the age of 32 – and I was shocked at how much I did not know about sex! Sex education was not part of my high school education, and the information that is given in today’s typical junior high or high school class is just a step above no information. The information given in most of today’s churches and families is even less than no information since it is often surrounded with guilt and shame.

Pam and I celebrated our 18th anniversary last year, and as part of our night out, we discussed the things we would do differently and the same if we could do them over. One of the things we both wish would have happened sooner was my taking the sexuality courses in school. Armed with good, accurate information, our sex life reached a new level.

This handbook will provide you with quality, accurate information without the soft porn pictures used to sale secular works and none of the guilt typically associated with religious works on this topic.

But let me state again, focus on learning a technique or following specific tips during a sexual experience is not a path to great sex in and of itself. Solely focusing on “how can I have great sex?” misses the delicious journey of a much larger and more extravagant living within a marriage fully alive. Growing up in marriage requires more maturity and a realization that a full marital relationship is not primarily about getting each other off or getting off with each other – a full marital relationship is a learning to love each other well, both in and out of the bedroom. Great sex is a by-product of a great relationship with your mate.

Now … let’s get down to business (pun intended).

There has been quite a bit of debate in Christian circles over the appropriateness of oral sex. I’d like to point out the obvious, the Bible is not a manual on sexual technique (or even marriage, counseling, mental health, job searching, etc.) – it’s the story of God’s love and relationship with His children.

Saying this means that I don’t think that Scriptures attempt to outline any specific sexual practices. Specifically, the Song of Solomon is a poetic love song that embraces the joy of sexual play. And the Song of Solomon poetically suggests that the lovers engaged in this experience as they tasted one another’s juices as part of their lovemaking while also graphically describing their delight in one another’s body (Song of Songs 2:3; 4:16; 8:2). It appears the man and the woman knew what they enjoyed about themselves and their lover.

Plus, I can’t imagine God looking down upon the first couple to attempt oral sex and saying, “Oh my Self. I had no idea they’d try that!”

So if Scripture doesn’t prohibit oral sex, the addition of this act to your marital relationship rests solely on your comfort level, both with yourself and your spouse. It is extremely important that you talk with your spouse about this experience.

Ultimately, you are your spouse’s greatest teacher when it comes to your body.

So why am I writing this handbook? Because there is a large void of blunt and honest information on the subject. And what information there is on oral sex is soft porn (perhaps even hardcore), misguided, inappropriate, and in some cases, flat out wrong.

Why add this to your lovemaking?

It is well known that oral sex is pleasurable for a man. But less well known, and definitely less discussed, is the fact that oral sex on a woman (called cunnilingus) is equally, if not more pleasurable. You read that right. The amount of pleasure experienced by a woman while receiving oral sex is far greater than the pleasure a man experiences while receiving oral sex.

How can that be, you ask?

The long and the short of it is … the clitoris.

An amazing amount of nerve endings are packed into the tip of the clitoris, approximately 8,000 to be exact, which is twice the amount found in the entire penis. The clitoris also is an organ designed solely for pleasure. It serves no other purpose.

Something else you probably did not learn in Sex Ed, the clitoris is actually, on average, about nine inches long. You only see roughly a tenth of it as the rest of it is nestled inside the woman’s body. The tip (the most pleasurable part) sticks out of the woman’s body and is protected by the clitoral hood (more in this in a bit). Much like an iceburg, there’s a lot more under the surface with only the tip available to the, er, um, naked eye. The remaining nine-tenths stretch back into the shape of a wishbone inside the pelvis.

Sexual intercourse largely misses the clitoris entirely and almost every woman needs to have their clitoris stimulated to reach orgasm. This is why only 1/4 to 1/3 of women can achieve orgasm through penile-vaginal intercourse alone.

To really pleasure your wife, you’re going to have to get your hands, and your mouth and tongue, involved.

Enter, cunnilingus.

Oral sex on a woman provides her the opportunity to be the center of attention. Direct stimulation of the vulva, specifically the clitoris, will most likely produce more intense, longer lasting, and more powerful orgasms for her.

For today’s woman, being the center of attention for a while provides her a mini-vacation from her world of responsibilities, schedules, deadlines, and nagging to-do lists.

There are a couple of different research studies on this experience. One such study surveyed 98 married women and reported that 82% of these women ranking cunnilingus as the most enjoyable and gratifying sexual act. Sixty-eight percent of the women reported intercourse was very pleasurable, but the women only experienced an orgasm 25% of the time.

In layman’s terms, out of every four times these women engaged in intercourse, only once did they reach orgasm. However, during oral sex, the same group of women reported reaching orgasm 81% of the time. Kinsey and Masters and Johnson have found similar results in their research: only 7.7% of women did not reach an orgasm if their husbands spent more than 21 minutes engaging in foreplay and oral sex.

Okay, so the point has been made, correct?

Oral sex is a great form of sex for a woman.

Whether you decide to go down on her before you enter her or choose to surprise her by making cunnilingus the main event for the evening, rest assured that the time spent focusing on her can strengthen your bond and relationship.

EDITOR’S NOTE: You can get this guide (as well as the companion guide By Her For Him, and more by joining Sex Like You’re On Vacation. Join before Christmas and save 45%.

Click here for more.

Oral sex: By him, for her is written by Corey from: Simple Marriage



Source:Oral sex: By him, for her

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Positivity Quest: Affirmation #7- I Let Go Easily

Learn why men pull away, how to decode men, and know 3 secrets they won’t tell you! CLICK HERE

file000410831036 Here is an affirmation that everyone can benefit from-

“I let go of past circumstances easily and painlessly.” This one takes practice, but the more I embrace it, the more I can easily slip into what is right in front of me and the less old stories impact my days.  I have recently made a breakthrough in this space when a friend/ teacher shared with me how these old habitual mental patterns from the past were actually magnetizing the negative energy I was working so hard to discharge.

Stuff that is over usually ended for a good reason- learning how to process our feeling sufficiently enough to let go of them is how we become free enough to cherish the present and trust the future.  The first step is trusting ourselves to feel.  So many people are so afraid of how they feel that they become literally consumed with all manner of repressing, suppressing and self medicating to become numb.

The truth is that allowing our body to experience our emotions is how they move through us. Letting go comes first and foremost by learning to feel.

But what I learned recently seems equally important-  once an emotion is well processed, we have to vigilantly and deliberately choose to turn away from the habitual patterned response. The most insidious emotional traps are our greatest slippery slopes. They are like quicksand, how easily they can consume us because they are the most familiar. Not surprisingly, we unknowingly and continuously attract situations that verify our dysfunctional truths.

This process of turning away from erroneous beliefs and patterns is also a form of turning inward to the quieter and more resonant truth about who we are that is always there, waiting for us to listen in our heart.

Start this one today- you won’t believe how powerfully it can change your life.

Source:Positivity Quest: Affirmation #7- I Let Go Easily

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Reuniting and Reinventing

Learn why men pull away, how to decode men, and know 3 secrets they won’t tell you! CLICK HERE

shoreresized “An attack upon our ability to tell stories is not just censorship – it is a crime against our nature as human beings.” -Salman Rushdie


I have been censoring my voice for too long now. It started a couple of years ago in a rough patch in my business when I took money from the wrong people with a bad lawyer. For years, I have been afraid to tell my own truth about what I do every day for fear of saying something I shouldn’t, for fear of reprisal. But what I have learned in this censoring of my voice is that the more I question my right to speak, the more I doubt whether I can express what I know and feel, the more that my voice recedes from me. I have said this before, pertaining to love, this mistaken idea that we can selectively close off one part of ourselves, or selectively reject some part of someone else, is simply a lie. As soon as we shut down, the closing spreads, often without our recognition. The truth is that to live fully and authentically, requires the courage of being all in. Whether in love relationships, sexual discovery or writing, the one foot out the door syndrome, where we hold back and won’t fully commit to the experience, is a killer.

All the while, where we wait for proof that we can trust the lover, the partner or the reader with our full selves, the truth of what lives between you and the other slips away in the crack out the door. You never really know what it would be like to live with them, make love to them full on with your foot out the door. And I do know this about my writing- the pieces that I have published without any thought of who might react, were the ones that resonated loud and clear and long. I know that I want to find that part of me who can convey something meaningful and lasting with this voice and I know it is a risk. Still, from every direction these days, people are urging me to dig into this space and speak my truth. It started with an interview a couple of months ago, with a reporter who had been covering our story since I won a couple of awards a few years back. She came to learn about the new funding round that we had just closed and about the great progress I had made with Good Clean Love. She was familiar with the years when the last angel investment came close to putting me out of business.

During the two hour interview we spoke openly and honestly, so much so, that I was afraid again that my own voice could get me in trouble. Her story yesterday, “Investing in Love,” showed me otherwise. I am learning again and from a deeper place that telling our own truth is the only way we can ever reunite with the people we need to know in this life and, even more importantly, the only option to reunite with ourselves. I have written many times over the years about how suppressing our sexual selves, keeping our desires hidden, only serves to pervert what is true and beautiful in us. I will follow my own advice…

So this blog, Making Love Sustainable, which began when a friend told me just to start writing what I know, will become my new home again. Instead of just writing my weekly newsletter posts on how to love more and better here, I will bring all of my voices to this place- everything from my evolving positivity work to what it takes to grow a love business. Speaking frankly and openly about one’s life in the blogosphere is at once completely mundane and also a great risk. The most challenging aspect for me has always been trying to strike the balance of vulnerability with my own story without revealing too much of other people’s stories. This I think is how fiction was invented, change the names and places but keep the stories alive. Part of loving people, whether it is my husband and children or friends, who share their intimate selves with me, these stories are mine and not mine. But separating them is not easy. Figuring out where the line is that can easily and invisibly get crossed as we open up about our own experience is the challenge.

I know a couple of authors who struggle still with the painful consequences of violating an intimate’s confidence in sharing the depth of their own story. They may have gotten a bestseller out of it, but they also got a divorce.  And then there are the complexities of working relationships, which are intimate and not. How much disclosure is too much, here again, I know my part of the story well enough to tell, but what that might provoke for our business partners is hard to say. This is why memoirs and blogs that disclose deeply are so riveting, because we long for human stories. It is the mirror in which we know ourselves.

So look for a new and updated blog space coming here soon, where we will dive deep into what it is to be a loving, sexual and very human being.


Source:Reuniting and Reinventing

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How Gift Vouchers Can Be The Most Romantic Presents

Learn why men pull away, how to decode men, and know 3 secrets they won’t tell you! CLICK HERE


This is a guest post from Emma Merkas, co-founder of Melt: Massage for Couples.

With Christmas just around the corner, finding just the right gift for your spouse can be fraught. A gift voucher is an easy solution, but they’re impersonal and a lazy way of gift giving, right?


Everyone knows the best presents are thoughtful ones. And guess what? There’s no reason why vouchers can’t be thoughtful! In fact, I would argue that they’re often even more thoughtful than, say, a new sweater in a questionable color or the latest iPad.

The people that hate on gift vouchers have a bunch of arguments. Have you ever heard these?

“It’s like money, but less useful.”

“You’re basically saying you’ve given up on finding an actual present.”

“What kind of present requires work on behalf of the recipient?”

As far as I can tell, the biggest barrier to couples bestowing gift vouchers on each other is that it’s widely considered an impersonal present to give your spouse or lover come Christmas, Valentine’s Day or Birthdays.

Impersonal? Nonsense.

I mean sure, I agree that simply slapping $50 onto a department store card without really thinking it through is positively slothful.

But – done right – gift vouchers can make for some of the most touching and beautiful presents you’ll ever give, or receive.

That comes with a few caveats though. Just hear me out.

There’s the right way and the wrong way to give a gift voucher. Here’s how to make gift vouchers romantic – my definitive guide. (Make sure you read the last point, it’s the one crucial step that brings everything together):

1. Thoughtfulness is Everything*

A voucher for the hardware store, however practical, is not going to get anyone’s pulse racing.

If you’re going down the gift voucher route, you need to make it über-tailored.

Start by thinking very hard about what’s going on in your partner’s life right now.

Have they just taken up yoga? Get them a voucher to a high-end exercise gear store.

Are they known for saving all their pennies to spend on the kids and house? Get them a voucher to a clothing store you know they love (check the labels in their closet!) so they have to spoil themselves.

Are they doing up a vintage car? How about a voucher for some antique car parts?

2. Gift an Experience*

It’s a consumer world; we already buy most material possessions we want for ourselves and there’s a new trend away from material possessions with the introduction of the minimalist thinkers around the internet.

By far, one of the most significant gifts you can give in this day and age is an experience you know your partner will love. Something that impacts them in a different way.

Again, gifting experiences requires the same careful thinking I just spoke about – a voucher for a bungee jump won’t go down well with someone who has an intense fear of heights, for example (just ask my husband who turned a lovely shade of beetroot-rage and deathly pale at all once when he was given him a skydiving voucher for his 30th).

Is your partner really into gourmet cooking? How about a cooking class for a cuisine they haven’t mastered yet?

Are they stressed and tired lately from work? What about a pampering session at a day spa (trust me, men love this as much as women do, they just generally don’t know it yet)?

Do they spend a lot of time at the driving range? How about an hour with a pro perfecting their swing?

3. Gift an Experience You Can Do Together*

Here’s where the romance factor starts to skyrocket.

There is simply no substitute for spending time with your sweetie, and we already know that science has proven doing new things together as a couple is ridiculously good for your relationship. It floods your system with happy hormones that keep you bonded and happy.

For that reason, gifting a gorgeous experience that the two of you can look forward to doing together is – in my opinion – king of all gift voucher giving and really ups the romance ante on your gift giving.

Perhaps a weekend away, language classes, or a hot air balloon ride. We obviously love our very own Melt: Massage for Couples video courses where you can get your hands all over each other in your own home night after night – it really is the gift that keeps on giving.

Whatever you choose, know that you’re doing something wonderful for your relationship. It may even seem like too much fun to be a good thing, but trust me… you can never make too many joyful memories as a couple.

*The Clincher: Wrap Something Up

This is the important part and it applies to all the points above. In order to make a gift voucher the perfect gift, you need to gift them along with something to unwrap. Otherwise it really is just a piece of paper or a plastic card that will sometime in the future take on its proper meaning.

A simple solution is to give something tangible along with the voucher as a little appetizer for the upcoming experience they are going to enjoy. It’s a delicious way to build anticipation and makes the gift voucher much more real immediately.

Let’s go back over some of the examples I’ve already used:

A Moroccan Cooking Class would go perfectly with some gourmet spices and a tagine pot.

A golf lesson will pair beautifully with a new leather monogrammed glove.

Give them a head start on their exercise gear voucher with a new gym bag.

When people gift our Melt: Massage for Couples vouchers to their spouse or to another couple, we encourage them to purchase a few massage essentials to package with the gift – a scented candle, a bottle of massage oil, a blindfold and a soft hand towel is everything you need (and more) to start massaging right away.

You then have the added benefit of being able to start that very night.

So there you have it – the next time you’re looking for an incredibly personal and romantic gift, look no further than a gift voucher.

If you’re looking for something special to gift your spouse this Christmas, I really do recommend the Melt: Massage for Couples gift vouchers. We’re offering Simple Marriage readers 50% off our lifetime memberships for a limited time only – that’s just $49 for a lifetime of massage (usually $99).


Package the voucher with massage oil, a scented candle and a soft hand towel for a romantic gift.

How Gift Vouchers Can Be The Most Romantic Presents is written by guest from: Simple Marriage



Source:How Gift Vouchers Can Be The Most Romantic Presents

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WordPress Update Pain and Comment Loss

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Just a quick one to say that WordPress has been extremely demanding about installing version 4.0.1 to cover a security hole in earlier versions.

Unfortunately it has some sort of database error for me and it’s making page loads 12-15 seconds long. I’ve tried to go back to an earlier restore point on 12/1/14, hoping to be rid of 4.0.1, with the unfortunate side effect of removing all comments and posts since 12/1/14. Which seemed like a good idea at the time, but hasn’t removed 4.0.1 anyway. I couldn’t reinstall the 12/7/14 database back up because it had an error. So crap.

If you’ve commented in the last 5-6 days, I do apologize for their loss.

Source:WordPress Update Pain and Comment Loss

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