Why Men Pull Away – Top 3 Secrets They Won’t Tell You

Dianne, a friend since high school, was distraught. She bugs me:  why men pull away, even when they say they love her?

 [Learn Why Men Pull Away CLICK HERE ] 

And why men pull away from the relationship after intimacy?

why men pull away- why are they not talking

Why can’t they just talk? Or, simply hold hands?

I gave her a quick, short  answer.

“I got to this site wherein a ‘bad boy’ by the name of  TDubb explained in video how a woman can capture or recapture the man of his dreams, how to keep him committed, and even marry her without resorting to gimmicks or threats.”

So, my short answer to her why men pull away when in love,  was to check out   TDubb’s Girl Gets Ring Video presentation, CLICK HERE  and find out how.

Dianne’s Background

Dianne had two previous relationships which didn’t work out well. Her first was with Bobby. They had one year of passionate relationship. She described it as hot, and cold,  “tumultuous”,was another descriptor she said.

When Bobby pulled away , Michael came. This time, she learned enough from her previous relationship.  But it didn’t last. They lasted three years, though.

Now, she’s with  Harry, for two years now. But, it appears they are heading in the same direction.

She can’t understand why Harry says he loves her, yet won’t commit to her, or propose to marry her despite the “all” that she has given to him.

Now, at 32, and her biological clock ticking away, she’s frustrated. She even began to have doubts about her self worth. And she’s desperately groping for answers … how she can keep her man.

Video – When men pull away or lose interest …

Six months later, she sent me this video. She appears very happy and fulfilled.

She finally met the man who’d die to be by her side. How did she do it?

Let her do the talking. So short, and sweet!

What was the “top secret” she found out?

My long answer why men pull away …

I started with a contentious bombshell.

In about 80% of the time, how a man loves you has nothing to do with with his willinness to commit to you, or marry you.

Did I hear howls of protests?

Many will agree or disagree with this statement.

Most men will agree, most women won’t.

See, the gender factor alone, tells a lot about how men and women think differently.

Over a cup of Starbucks, I explained to her three secrets men keep close to their hearts.  The funny thing is, most of them are not even aware of this.

Secret #1 – Men process their feelings in their guts, women, in their hearts.

Understanding this is crucial.

A simple solution is to always is to always keep the communication lines open.

Dianne protested.

“But what if he is the one who shuts the line off?”

I answered her with a question.

“Do you think that if he reacts that way, you can keep on keeping up with him?”

Then, I followed it up with this thought.

Men, typically won’t speak up unless they think of you as a confidante who can keep secrets, and not someone who will use the same knowledge to hurt them.

So, another thing to ponder is: how do you become a confidante to him? And in the process, how does he become a confidante to you?

Men have a mission in Life …

This is a very important concept. If there’s only one thins that you must remember, this is it.

Secret #2 – Men have this “mission in life” to fulfill”.

Most men are not conscious about this, but deep in their guts … they want to prove something to themselves. TDubb calls this the “hero avatar”.

This is probably, the primary reason why men won’t move up to next level of commitment.

Even if he’s had “everything” with you, if his gut tells him that you will make his load heavier on his journey to complete his “mission”, he will dilly-dally, or keep on vacillating.

So unless that he sees you and feels deep inside him, that you are THE ONE  who would lighten up his load and help him reach his “mission” in life … chances are that  he’d still pull away.

The Real Him

Secret #3 – Men are really soft inside, and they too, want to be loved for the “real him”, warts and all.

This is tricky.

At the start of any relationship, when men start to strut around you – they will usually put their best “mask” forward.

Men may buy you expensive gifts, and invite you to expensive dinners.  Men will want to impress you to get your attention.

But, if you already have given him your attention, and reciprocated your interest in him, he will then start to think about showing or revealing the real him for you.

The problem is, he may not yet be comfortable about this.

If he feels safe and trusts you enough, he will. If not, he will continue to wear his mask.

This question bugs him: What if you reject him?

So, if you keep on expecting that you go to fancy restaurants, be given fancy gifts, and fancy everything … he may start to think that you fancy him only because of the fancy things he can give.

This is a “yellow” light that may lead to a “red” light.

What to do?

When you eat out, offer to pay the bill. He will refuse this 95% of the time.

But, if you insist, and even “intercept” the bill … you send him a different signal that it’s not the “fancy” things that you like in him.

An easier thing to do is encourage him to take you to the less expensive restaurants in the likes of McDonald’s, Taco Bell, or Carl’s Jr. Or, suggest gifts that are meaningful yet not expensive.

Or time alone, when you can be intimate without necessary being physical.

It is  important that you  make him feel that it is “him”, that you really fancy. And not the fancy things that he gives you, which seldom lasts anyway.

This way, you are telling him that you like the “real him”.

Secret #4 – How not to make your man pull away …

Finally, I told her that there is a fourth one.

“A fourth one?”

Yes I said. Not only 4, but more!

You see, men, are like women. They are a complex creature.

“If you are really interested”, I said, “to understand men, and get the man you’d like to live with, and be married with in bliss till death do you apart”, I continued, “then, do your future family a favor.”

“What is it?”, she looked at me in anticipation.

Go to this free presentation by TDubb, and get his “Girl Gets Ring” system, Click Here.

If for whatever reason, you think that it is not helpful … you can easily return it, “ala-Amazon”.

Summary- Top 3 Secrets Why Men Pull Away

1.  Men want to be able to open up their deepest and most sacred thoughts to their girls “chaff and grain” together without getting “busted”.

2. Men have a “mission in life”. It’s up to you to make him feel that you can make his journey lighter. Or, heavier.

3. Men want to be loved and appreciated for the real him, and not the “mask” or front, that they wear.

When  Men Pull Away – Action You Can Take Now

Go to this free video training  training   and learn how capture your dream man, and make him feel glad, proud, and loved, you did. This  video could be taken down without notice.

Learn Why Men Pull Away
CLICK HERE 

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Why Men Cheat – 5 Top Causes

Infidelity is a major cause of breakups. The question why men cheat has been asked a million times by a million women, and answers and solutions have been prof erred.

[Beat Them Men Cheaters Up! Learn How – CLICK HERE]

Yet the phenomenon persists. Men still cheat. And, women do, too!

Nea Joy presents her analysis why men cheat, and presents her solutions how to keep them from turning left.

5 Reasons Why Men Cheat and How to Keep Your Man Faithful

Author: Nea Joy

In marriages and committed relationships, most of us expect the obvious: commitment. Unfortunately, even after vowing to forsake all others, many people cheat. Countless studies and real life experiences tell us that men are more likely to cheat than women. That’s no big secret! However, the reasons why men cheat remain a mystery to most of us.

Well, there’s some good news: There are some things you can do to help keep your man from cheating on you. The key is to understand the answer to the question, “Why do men cheat?”

Before you read this list of reasons why men cheat, let’s make one thing clear. If your man cheats on you, it is not your fault. It is ultimately his responsibility to keep “it” in his pants. These tips on how to keep your man from cheating on you can simply help you to help him do what he should do anyway.

With that disclaimer out of the way, lets move on to look at some of the reasons why men cheat.

Reasons Why Men Cheat

1. Immaturity

For the immature man, cheating is often the result of a lack of self control and a sense of entitlement. He may feel that he deserves multiple women, thus he doesn’t even try to be a loyal husband or boyfriend.

Such a man may cheat on his wife or girlfriend no matter what she says or does. He is too immature and irresponsible to understand (or even care) about the damaging effects of his infidelity. He’s also not man enough to admit his unwillingness to commit, thus you’ll have to catch him red-handed. The only tip for a woman who’s dating Mr. Immature is to “kick him to the curve.” This guy is an STD-risk and a threat to your emotional well-being. Don’t waste your time.

2. Feelings of Inadequacy

Another of the reasons men cheat because they feel insecure or somehow inadequate. Although they may not tell you that they need to hear words of validation, many men secretly yearn for it. A guy who is usually faithful may be tempted to cheat on you if he’s feeling inadequate. A bit of flattering attention from another woman may stroke his ego in a way that he finds simply irresistible. Don’t leave this hole in your relationship.

If your man seems macho, confident, or even cocky, it’s still a good idea to let him know what you love about him. Don’t wait on another woman to come along and tell him the all the things he’s dying to hear. If you like the way he looks or smells, tell him. If he’s a good provider and protector, tell him.

For some men, the feelings of inadequacy are so out of control that no amount of ego stroking will keep him from cheating on you. This type of man uses multiple women to distract him from his extreme insecurities. It’s important for you to remember that you can only do so much. If you do your best to show him that you admire and appreciate him, the rest is up to him.

3. The Challenge

Many men love a challenge-a bit of a chase. When a woman seems unattainable, she is interesting. When she is not giving in to him, making him work for her affections, she captivates him. Men who love a challenge will get bored quickly with an easy, spineless woman.

If you’re a “Yes girl” once you’re in a committed relationship, this may be a recipe for infidelity. By not giving in to his every whim, you can keep a man interested and prevent him from cheating. Make sure he knows that, although you love him, you will not be walked on. Let him know that he will always have to be diligent in order to keep you. A strong, confident woman is very interesting and attractive to most men. Be that woman so he doesn’t cheat on you in order to find her.

4. Sexual Frustration

Most women assume that the reason men cheat is just for the sex. That’s usually not the whole story, but sexual frustration can be a factor. As time passes in relationships, the quantity (or quality) of sex may change. He wants sex-you have a headache. He wants sex-you’re too tired. He wants sex-you unenthusiastically give in. He wants oral sex-you’re not into that.

Men naturally think about sex more than most women and suppressing their desires is extremely difficult. Blame the testosterone for that. If you don’t want your husband or boyfriend to feed his sexual urges with other women, reduce the chances of this happening by keeping him satisfied. Have your hormones checked if your libido is extremely low. Don’t just dismiss the notion that a healthy sex life is important to prevent infidelity.

When it comes to sex in relationships, it’s not all about how often you do it. Even if you have sex everyday, sexual frustration can arise when you and your man aren’t interested in the same types of sexual acts.

It’s best to find out early on what a man likes sexually; therefore, you can pass on the relationship opportunity if you are not sexually compatible. If you’re sexually conservative, don’t bother getting involved with a man who loves anal sex, role play, BDSM, or other non-traditional forms of pleasure. Choose a man whose needs you are willing to satisfy-and do it. If you wait until post-commitment to tell him that you’re not open to his favorite sexual acts, he’ll become so sexually frustrated that it will be hard to keep him from cheating on you.

5. Escape from Reality

Passion, fire, and excitement abound in new relationships. Unfortunately, a lot of this dwindles away after getting married, having kids, or remaining in a long-term relationship. Unfortunately, one of the reasons men cheat is that those magical sparks stop flying. This is especially common when couples begin to have kids. Instead of long vacations, nights on the town, and frequent sex, life becomes all about dirty diapers, temper tantrums and extra stress. This is a bad time to add the trauma of infidelity to the problems in a relationship, but some men seek to escape the reality of their changing lives.

To keep your man faithful as life changes so drastically, keep the communication channels open. Discuss the changes that you’re facing and how you both plan to deal with them. Furthermore, do not let life become completely about work, kids, and household chores. Your marriage or relationship should also be a top priority and it is important that you make it so. Schedule date nights, talk openly and continually relight the flame between you two. No matter how you choose to do it, remember to show the man you love that your life with him is an equally important part of your reality.

In addition to cheating, there are many reasons that relationships fail. You can’t possibly get all the answers from one article. I hope you’ll check out RelationshipSaga.com for more information on how to fix your relationship problems before it’s too late.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/infidelity-articles/5-reasons-why-men-cheat-and-how-to-keep-your-man-faithful-3611768.html

About the Author

Nea Joy is the founder of Law of Attraction based self-help blog, Self Improvement Saga, and the relationship advice website, Relationship Saga.  She specializes in teaching the art of joyful living through personal growth, healthy relationships, and deliberate use of the Universal Law of Attraction. Enhance your life today by visiting http://self-improvement-saga.com for free articles, tips, newsletters, and much more.

Ms. Joy cites being a strong women as a factor that keeps him in “check”. She also dismisses immature and irresponsible men.  When it comes sex, she insists on compatibility and respect. When it comes to “spark”, she insists on excitement and communication as a cementing factor.

Her views on sex may not suit well people who live in societies which are as not open as the western culture. Whatever someone’s views are — sex happens. Just look at the internet.

To cite just one factor on how to keep your man faithful and prevent him from cheating — it is in the women’s strength, and how she shows it, and asserts it.

So cheating men, beware of the strong woman! (She’ll beat you up! :) )

Why Men Cheat- Here’s  What You Can Do and Be NOT a Victim

You can learn valuable tips and skills in this free video presentation that teaches you how to make your man not to even think about cheating, and  commit to you willingly, gladly, and even marry you!

Beat Them Men Cheaters Up! Learn How
CLICK HERE

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Guy Pulls Away – Why oh why!
Why Men Pull Away, Top 3 Secrets
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Why Men Cheat – 5 Top Causes

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Guy Pulls Away – Why oh why!

When a guy pulls away, would you know why?

Probably not. You may have speculations, but unless you talk to him and he becomes truthful, I doubt.

[ When Guys Pull Away, Follow This Formula – CLICK HERE ] 

So, the best cure is always prevention.

Kathy on this article reveals 3 things that she thinks she did that made his guy pull away the last time.

Why a Guy Pulls Away – 3 Things You Must Do to Keep Him From Pulling Away - by Kathy

So you found the guy of your dreams and you’ve been in a relationship with him for quite awhile. You know he loves you and you’re ready to get married. He hasn’t popped the question yet and you feel as if he never will.

Using threats out of desperation is like committing relationship suicide. Women that continue to use threats must believe there’s a good reason, (especially if they’ve been in a long relationship) but then they wonder why a guy pulls away.

They want marriage so badly, that making threats is a common issue. Women who force demands on their guy don’t realize the pressure they are putting him under, so therefore he terminates the relationship. By giving your guy a now-or-never ultimatum will cause him to pack his bags and run. There are 3 things you must do to keep him from pulling away.

1-Don’t be over-bearing- Men think they are the stronger of the sex. They don’t want to be told what to do. They express their feeling in a different way than women. They want to make their own decisions in their own time without someone pushing them. Be patient and caring. If they sense you are trying to push them and are over-bearing, they will hold back their true feelings.

They love their gal, but they can only take so much before they pull out. You need to understand his feelings and concerns which will bring him closer to you. By giving him some slack will make him more comfortable with you. Deep down inside, he wants you for his wife, but he is testing the waters because he knows a commitment is for life.

2-Show him the real you- Some women think by pretending to be what they’re not, will impress a guy. It’s quite the opposite. Men love a woman who is real and natural and doesn’t pretend or lie. If he catches you in a lie, he will never trust you. Love and marriage are based on trust. So be yourself and be totally honest with him. He will love you for it.

Women in a relationship get caught with their pretenses and their guy can sense that. If that happens, he will pull away. Remember, he is looking for marriage material, but he isn’t going to tell you that.

Although he is watching your actions and desires, he isn’t aware of it. He puts up his guard and it’s up to you to tear it down. Stay sharp and focused on his actions and don’t give him a reason to doubt your love or trust.

3-Your First Impression- Your first impression is on your first date and that’s when the seed starts to grow. Guys love to impress a new girlfriend making them think he is financially successful. He wants her to like him and he knows money is the way to steal her heart. The problem is that after awhile he gets caught up in his own game.

Women let their guy buy them expensive gifts, go to fancy restaurants and will accept what their boyfriend offers. Now he feels trapped and is to proud to tell her he can’t keep spending all this money. When he feels trapped, he will walk away. Most women don’t realize what they’re doing, so they wonder why their guy pulled away.

If he starts buying you expensive gifts, don’t accept them. After a couple times of taking you to a fancy restaurant, you pick a cheap restaurant. If you truly love him, you won’t care where he takes you. Offer to fix dinner at your house or apartment (or his). That way he can see how good of a cook you are as a future wife. He may very well have lots of money, but act as though he doesn’t. If he thinks you want him for his money and not for him, he will know it and leave the relationship.

You must follow these 3 tips to keep him from pulling away. Be patient and let his love grow for you. If you do, he will eventually ask you to marry him. Don’t be like so many women that wonder why a guy pulls away . You have a wonderful life ahead of you with the guy of your dreams. Just follow your heart and heed the advice in this article.

About the Author

I was in a relationship where my guy eventually pulled away. I was over-bearing, making threats and giving him ultimatums and then he pulled away. I was really hurt. I realized after I lost him what I had done.

Then I found this guy who has been a relationship specialist for 16 years. He has a training video and tons of advice that got me on the right track. So when I finally met the guy of my dreams, I followed the advice from T’Dub’s video and training. My my guy did commit and we are now happily married.

Go to: www.KeepaGuy.info and watch T’Dub’s video and see how to get your guy to pop the question without using threats or ultimatums.

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When A Guy Pulls Away – here’s what you can do to prevent it

Kathy followed the teachings of this guy on the video behind the “click”. Find out to how to keep your from guy pulling away.

Learn valuable tips and skills in this free video presentation that teaches you how to make your man commit to you willingly, gladly, even marry you!

When Guys Pull Away, Follow This Formula – CLICK HERE

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Why Men Pull Away, Top 3 Secrets

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What Do Men Want In Relationships

Do men want in relationships, always sex?

[Find Out What Men Want In Relationships CLICK HERE]

As a man myself,  my answer is Yes…

BUT … Not only that. :)

Here’s a very enlightening article that gives women great clues that men not only want sex in relationships, but a lot,lot more.

What Do Men Want in Relationships?
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=A_Aaron]A Aaron

Have you ever wondered why men seem to want you one day, then wants more “space” the next? Ever wondered why most men find it hard to commit? These and many other questions plaque the minds of many women today – just what do men want in relationships?

The surprising thing is that what men want in relationships are pretty much the same things that women want. Here are some of the things men want, and why:

#1 – Men want freedom.

When a man first enters the dating game, he’s in it for the fun. He’s out to meet new women and make new friends, and finding someone to marry is probably the last thing on his mind. He’s enjoying his life to the hilt, and still loves many aspects of his single life — his hobbies, his friends, his career.

A stigma of relationships today is the idea that once you get into a relationship, you lose your freedom to do the things you used to enjoy. This is precisely why many men are uncomfortable being in a relationship and living under its “rules.” But what most people don’t realize is that it’s still possible to enjoy your freedom while sharing it with someone you love.

So the best tip you can remember to ensure his freedom is this: Don’t be too clingy. As the popular song goes, “Everybody needs a little time away from each other.” Let him enjoy his time, and do the same every now and then.

#2 – Men want enjoyment.

The reason why most men space out of their relationships is because they simply don’t find it fun anymore. This could either be because their girlfriends try to ask for too much attention, or talk about too many problems, or simply aren’t any fun to be with. Do you like the idea of spending the rest of your life with someone so negative? Exactly.

To make the relationship a happier place for him (and you), learn to be in total control of your emotions, instead of being a slave to them. This doesn’t mean you’ll need to filter out all the negative emotions, but instead of letting them rule you, acknowledge them and move on. And always try to bring positive, enjoyable things to the table in the relationship.

#3 – Men want independent women.

Let’s face it — too many women today think of themselves too much. They depend on their friends, their money, and their boyfriends to stay happy. But you’ll be surprised at how being able to stand on your own two feet is a very irresistible quality to have. Men love being with independent women, simply because independent women are a rarity these days.

It may sound hard, but it’s always possible to tweak your personality to be more free, more enjoyable, and more independent. It’s all a man wants in a relationship!

Find out the [http://www.datingquestionsforwomen.com/the-ten-most-dangerous-mistakes-you-probably-make-with-men-and-what-to-do-about-it]ten most dangerous mistakes you probably make with men – and what you can do about it.

Visit http://www.datingquestionsforwomen.com for more relationship advice.

Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?What-Do-Men-Want-in-Relationships?&id=2563130] What Do Men Want in Relationships?

Of the 3 things Aaron cited, I cite independent women as the most attractive. Men face it. We want a strong woman. A woman who can carry the cudgels when we cannot.

If you are reading this and only need to remember one thing, this is it:  strength.

That’s one trait men want in relationships. (Other than sex? :) )

What men want in relationships – here’s what you can do.

You can learn valuable tips and skills in this free video presentation that generally teaches what your man want in your relationship.

Find Out What Men Want In Relationships
CLICK HERE

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When Men Withdraw – So Be It?

Is it just right when men withdraw, and we let them be?

[When Men Withdraw, Know Why CLICK HERE]

It is  a common occurrence in relationships that a man (or a woman) suddenly withdraws, asking for “space”, and you’re left in a shell not understanding what is happening.

In this article, Katherine shares what she does and will do, if her man suddenly pulls away.

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What To Do When Men Withdraw and Suddenly ‘Need Their Space’
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Breanne_Katherine]Breanne Katherine

Has your man suddenly gotten distant and your not sure why or what may have triggered his frustrations?

Has he stopped talking to you quite as often or does it seem as though he lacks interest during the time he has to spend with you?

The reasoning behind why a man might withdraw from a relationship is varied and subject to several cause and effect scenarios.

However, the majority of the time – most men withdraw from relationships either because they are no longer interested, do not feel appreciated, have lost their own self-respect, or a mixture of all the above.

In order to gauge where your man is at and why he is suddenly withdrawing from the relationship, you’ll need to do a little research. Try to understand what is going on in his mind by having a conversation with him and reading his body language.

Do not assume that your relationship is or was solid. Open communication needs to be a must for any relationship to achieve long-term success. Without it, pent-up emotions and feelings will one day release a negative explosion, which isn’t always healthy for either of you.

Be sure that from the very beginning of the relationship, you are both open and honest with each other. Express your feelings, emotions, worries, concerns, fears, ideas, and desires on a consistent basis.

Also make sure that you consider his in return. If you make an attempt to put his priorities in front of your own, you will see a drastic change in his desire to do the same; thus, inevitably getting what you want and deserve from the relationship.

By exuding empathy and support with what he fears and worries over, you will create a trusting bond that allows him to confide in you. By sharing in your understanding together, the two of you will create a long and lasting relationship.

The two of you are a team – by choosing to be in a relationship together, you have ultimately decided that you will share, support, and burden each others wants, fears, and desires as a unit.

You may not agree with some of the choices he makes and vice versa, but as long as they are reasonable and remain faithful, there should be nothing the two of you can’t work through together.

Patience is another major factor in achieving the kind of relationship you have always dreamed about.

No relationship is perfect, they all take practice and consistency.

However with a little time, the two of you will eventually learn how to handle and accomplish hundreds of incredible feats you wouldn’t have had the opportunity of experiencing if either of you were single.

If your man claims that he needs his space, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It could potentially mean just that – that he needs a little space to recuperate and feel like himself before he decides what to do with his love life.

It doesn’t have to mean that he is dumping you and moving right on to the next girl he finds. He is probably simply seeking some alone time to gather his thoughts and figure out what he truly wants.

The best way to handle this kind of situation is to respect it. If you fight and beg for him to change his mind it will only make him resent you, and probably have him leaving for good – don’t do this!

Instead, tell him that you disagree with his choice (if you do) but you are willing to wait for him if he chooses to change his mind. Assure him that you are always available to talk and remind him quickly how much you will always care for him, either way he goes.

Give him something to really ponder over – don’t let his last impression of you to make his choice with, be one of the two of you screaming and arguing with each other.

Make it a memory that he will want to come back to, one that will make him feel ridiculous for ever having to ‘need his space’ to begin with.

How?

Pay Very Close Attention Here –

On The Next Page, You Will Discover Very Rare & Psychological Tricks Which Will Give You The Ultimate Power To Attract any Man, Make Him Fall In Love, & Get Him To Commit To You & Only You, Forever – Click Here! [http://theguymagnet.us]

Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?What-To-Do-When-Men-Withdraw-and-Suddenly-Need-Their-Space&id=6432903] What To Do When Men Withdraw and Suddenly ‘Need Their Space’

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She says that  when men withdraws, it usually is a loss in interest, either in the relationship, or in his ability to sustain a relationship. That communication is a must.

And most importantly,  leave him a loving impression that he is losing a big thing if he does not realize the love and value that you hold for him.

When men withdraw – here’s what you can do.

Become a better person.  You can learn valuable tips and skills in this free video presentation that teaches you how to make your man commit to you willingly, gladly, even marry you!

When Men Withdraw, Know Why
CLICK HERE

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Know the signs when men pull away

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When Men Pull Away, Be Wiser

Know the signs when men pull away

Sometimes, we are not sure when men pull away from us. It’s hard to read minds.

[ When Men Pull Away – Be Wiser, Click Here ] 

However, there are resources we can cite to confirm, or debunk if our man is pulling away from us.

Here is such an article.

When Men Pull Away – Top Three Signs That He Is Pulling Away
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Alyssa_A._H]Alyssa A. H

You are probably reading this article because you get that sneaky feeling that your boyfriend is pulling away from you or being distant.

You are not one hundred per cent sure because let’s face it, you may be over reacting but one thing you do know is that something has changed and you need to get to the bottom of it.

If there is one thing I have learnt is that when you think that something is off, very often you are right!

So let’s go through the top three signs that will clue you in on whether or not your boyfriend is pulling away from you.

1. He spends a lot less time with you now than he did before and he tells you that he is busy as his excuse as to why you two are spending little time together.

So in other words, if you two were seeing each other four or five times a week, you are barely seeing him once or twice now.

When you do see him, the conversation is not as free flowing and it seems as though his mind is elsewhere. His body is there but his mind clearly is not.

In addition, it doesn’t seem like it is even that big of a deal that you two aren’t seeing each other as often. He just does not seem to care.

What the heck? Doesn’t he miss you at all? This is definitely a sign to monitor.

2. He doesn’t call you as often as he used to and again it doesn’t seem like he even misses hearing your voice.

When you call him, he is always too busy to have a real meaningful conversation with you and you always feel as though he is leaving you hanging.

If anything, this is one of the most important signs to take note of.

Does it seem as though you have unfinished business with him, like if a door is always being closed in your face without you being able to express yourself or spend time being with him or talking with him?

3. He doesn’t make plans in advance like he did before.

When you two first started seeing each other, he made plans way in advance. This, as you know, is one of the signs that a guy is interested in you and wants to impress you with all of the fancy places he can take you. He wants to make sure that you two do exciting things together.

So when he starts to get downright lazy and nonchalant about what you two are doing and when, that is a clear sign that he is taking a big step back from the relationship and his commitment to you!

These are three of the main signs that your boyfriend is pulling back from you. Even one of these in isolation signals that there may be a problem in your relationship that needs a speedy solution of some type. For more signs that your guy may be pulling away from you, click on the link below to visit my blog!

Find out why a guy will pull away from the woman he loves if he is not ready to get married here at http://www.committedrelationship.blogspot.com Why is your man pulling away from you?

Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?When-Men-Pull-Away—Top-Three-Signs-That-He-Is-Pulling-Away&id=7091216] When Men Pull Away – Top Three Signs That He Is Pulling Away

In summary,  Alyssa is telling us that if he spends less time, calls less, and plans less than before, he may be starting to pull away .

Heck, why don’t you confront him and hear it from?

When Men Pull Away – What You Can Do

Learn the ways of the man. Man is a complex being.  I suggest you hear this free training video on how you make your man commit to you gladly, willingly, even marry you!

When Men Pull Away – Be Wiser, Click Here

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Healing Heartbreak From Within

Learn why men pull away, how to decode men, and know 3 secrets they won’t tell you! CLICK HERE

moonresized“The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it…” -Nicholas Sparks

 

This month’s theme, focused on healing heartbreak, is deeply personal and yet, also profoundly universal. In this life dominated by relationships of all kinds- personal, familial, and professional, no matter where you fall in your level of engagement and vulnerability, no one gets out unscathed. I have long ascribed to the belief taught in many spiritual traditions that we are given our relationships as life’s most gentle and kind teachers. And yet, in the aftermath of broken relationships as we feel pummeled by betrayal, abandonment and broken promises, or conversely, drowned in the guilt and shame of cruelty and selfishness, our relationships feel like anything but teachers. Here is the thing, our suffering in relationships can only become our teacher if we are willing to get beyond the storyline of our broken heart and recognize the habits of our own unkindness. We have to dive into the heart itself.

 The truth is that as a race, we humans hurt each other frequently. In the extreme, without even getting into the massive violence of war, much of the personal violent crime reported frequently happens amongst people who were previously intimate. Certainly, the most devastating sexual and emotional betrayals happen for people who were once in love. Our capacity for cruelty is somehow heightened and more acute with those we once loved deeply. We hurt others in proportion to the hurt we carry inside of us. I have been working with my own recent experiences of abandonment and betrayal and as I have slowly gotten beyond the shame and suffering of the storyline. Digging into the heart of what happened in those relationships, I have come to realize that most of the pain that we inflict on each other is not malicious in nature; rather, it is a reflection of both the intense internal suffering that most of us walk around with and the utter lack of fluency we have for our internal emotional lives.

Love is in fact a game of skill, and relationships that last are constructed of action verbs, not the ethereal feelings we confuse with falling in love that come as quickly as they go. Truly loving people is an intentional decision we make every day, and if it has any legs at all it must begin inside, with a willingness to love and forgive ourselves first. While we all born with a seed of loving capacity, more frequently than not, we lack practice at feeling and identifying our own emotions and even more, so the ability to articulate them. Without emotional literacy it is easy to lose our way. Our courage to deal with the inherent weaknesses of our partnership is the heart work of engaging with the challenges of growing a relationship.

Even with emotional fluency, I often notice how easily I recede into deep self-doubt, questioning my own lovability with even the smallest reminders of my old friendships. It doesn’t work to ignore the triggered feelings of unworthiness either. Instead, I have to be singularly focused on being my own best friend. I talk to myself on the walks where I used to speak with her; of late I have even started singing my own name, like a chant calling myself back.

Extensive research has demonstrated that the single, most important attribute in successful relating is kindness; and it couldn’t be truer than with oneself. I have come to believe that being able to be kind to ourselves is the foundation of kindness we have for anyone else. In fact, until I was forced to truly become my own friend through the absence of these women, I never fully understood how valuable my own attention and kindness was- having always been so willing to give it away. It reminds me of my all-time favorite quote from the Buddha, “You, yourself, as much as anyone in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

Source:Healing Heartbreak From Within

Want to make your man commit willingly, gladly, and not pull away? Go CLICK HERE

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The Two Sides of Love

Learn why men pull away, how to decode men, and know 3 secrets they won’t tell you! CLICK HERE

Hard_and_SoftThis past weekend a new feature was added to the Married Life 911 Course – a Personality Test that will uncover your personality characteristics and then discuss the strengths and weaknesses of your tendencies.

But that’s not the best part of this test, once both you and your spouse have completed the test and discovered your tendencies – you can then discover your relationship dynamic!

There are no other personality tests that I know of offering this component.

If you’re already enrolled in the course, simply log into the Dashboard and follow the link in the sidebar. If you haven’t joined yet, you can do so here.

One of the ideas covered in the results of this test involves the two sides of love … the soft side and the hard side.

So what does this mean? Glad you asked.

To create relationships that are both loving and healthy we need two things, which I call the soft side and the hard side.

The hard side means being able to

  • set clear boundaries
  • protect our personal space
  • take responsibility for ourselves and not for others
  • respond in a self-centered way
  • say no
  • make our own choices regardless of what others think
  • defend ourselves
  • maintain our personal integrity
  • go our own path in life

The soft side is about

  • opening up to others
  • feeling and expressing love
  • allowing ourselves to be vulnerable
  • healing past pain
  • releasing fears
  • surrendering and stepping into uncertainty
  • accepting what is
  • letting go of control and detaching from outcomes
  • feeling connection and oneness

The soft side is about trust, openness, unity and flow. It is a warm, fuzzy, peaceful, all-encompassing energy. The hard side is what enables us to delimit, separate, identify, define and choose. This is me, and this is you. Here is how far you can go. This is what I will not tolerate. This I want. That I don’t want. Here is my territory, and there is yours. This here is none of your business, and  that over there is none of mine.

We need both the soft and the hard facet of ourselves in order to maintain healthy and loving relationships. Both are important.

If you have the hard side and lack the softness, you will be great at delimiting yourself from others, at setting boundaries, saying no and doing your own thing, but you will also be emotionally closed off, out of touch with your heart, prone to trying to control external life circumstances and other people, stuck in fearful stiffness and feeling lonely.

If you have the softness but lack the hard side, you will be a wonderfully loving, caring, giving, lovely person, very open and warm, but you will also be a doormat who can’t say no, who gets hurt, takes on too much responsibility for others, feels guilty, permanently gives energy away, gets treated like crap and ends up totally depleted.

The hard and the soft side are no opposites. Being the one doesn’t mean you aren’t the other. You can be both really hard and really soft, or neither particularly hard nor particularly soft. Some people are neither very good at delimiting themselves and setting boundaries nor very good at opening up, expressing love or surrendering. So they end up both feeling fearful and disconnected, and having a hard time asserting themselves.

So it is not one scale with two extremes, but rather a two-dimensional model, with hardness and softness values being independent from each other. I suspect our hardness is what makes us impressive in other people’s eyes, and our softness determines how comfortable they feel around us.

This is only an intellectual model of course. Maybe it is artificial to express such complex things with a pair of numbers, but I find it quite useful. … I think the optimal place to be in is the point where we are both totally hard and totally soft.

Being both hard and soft is not a contradiction. Actually, I think that being the one helps us to be the other.

When we are able to set up a strong structure and know that we will always stand up for ourselves and make sure that our personal integrity is respected, then we feel safe, and can safely expose our soft underbelly and be gently loving inside of that structure.

The other way around, when we are able to open our heart, trust ourselves, others and the Universe, surrender to uncertainty and vulnerability, let go of control, and feel infinite love and connection to the whole world deeply inside ourselves, then it is easier to risk pissing people off, because we know deep down that nothing truly bad can ever result out of it.

In a way, both is about feeling safe – but in two completely different ways.

~ Originally posted by Rosine Caplot

The Two Sides of Love is written by Corey from: Simple Marriage

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A FEW THINGS WE LOVE:

Source:The Two Sides of Love

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Sexual Freedom: An Act of Courage

Learn why men pull away, how to decode men, and know 3 secrets they won’t tell you! CLICK HERE

sexy4resized“The secret to happiness is freedom… And the secret to freedom is courage.” -Thucydides

 

Fear is the driver for many people’s sexual and erotic lives. One of Freud’s students, Otto Rank, was quoted as saying, “People vacillate between the fear of living and the fear of dying.”  In some ways, our fears about our sexuality encompass both. We are equally terrified of what might happen if we gave into our erotic fantasy life and that we might never experience the pleasure we know that we hold in us. Worse still, these invisible and unnamed fears not only strangle our own capacity for intimacy but also are the source of the harshest judgments we hold about the sexuality of others; often times, those we hold most dear. Whether rooted in religious teachings or our first family structures, our sexual fears are instilled in us early and, as we mature, often translate into deeply held inhibitions, which prevent us from evolving sexually.

In our sexual culture today this stagnant sexuality shows up not only as sexual frigidity, but even more frequently, as promiscuity. Even though we believe we are breaking our sexual inhibitions, promiscuous sex is actually bound to the fears that control us and ends up only feeding them. Having sex recklessly is harmful on many levels- rather than moving us towards what we really want, which is the basis of true sexual freedom, it keeps us entrained in reacting against what we fear. True freedom, sexual or otherwise, emanates from our hearts, and reflects back to us as the courage to be ourselves. Another way to think about freedom is as a form of authenticity, with both the clarity of mind and strength of action to back it up. And when it comes to sex, moving consciously from a resonant place of truth allows us to gently expand our boundaries of what’s possible and makes us more courageous with each act.

Courageously stepping into and exploring the meaning of sexual freedom is how we expand our past our inhibitions and redefine our boundaries, allowing our innate sexual curiosity to wake up. The more we tap into and act from this courage, the less we have to be afraid of. In the process, we discover not only an erotic capacity that we didn’t know we had, but a new relationship with pleasure.

Living a courageous sexual life doesn’t erase our fears. Rather, it creates a new and conscious relationship to our fears that heightens the reality of the present moment. Moving willingly into unknown spaces, whether through expanding into erotic fantasies or just deepening our capacity for sexual communication makes us truly available to feel and participate with our partners fully. Growing up and evolving sexually is about standing in our own courage. It is a clear path to the freedom it takes to make conscious choices about who, when, where and how we love.

Source:Sexual Freedom: An Act of Courage

Want to make your man commit willingly, gladly, and not pull away? Go CLICK HERE

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The Importance of Exercise for your Marriage

Learn why men pull away, how to decode men, and know 3 secrets they won’t tell you! CLICK HERE

fitnesscouple

Editor’s Note: This is a guest post from Marc Zalmanoff of www.fitness-ninja.com.

Although dangerous, I would assume most educated people (i.e. you reading this right now) understand the benefits of regular exercise.

Primarily, it’s good for you but I won’t bore you with all the stats and details on this fact.

Did you also know that regular exercise can be an integral part of a long lasting, happy marriage as well? There is something to be said about taking care of yourself.

Since science has only evolved so much, the body you currently have is the only one you get!! And if you don’t take care of it, well, you’ll be living in the equivalent of a shack on legs.

Exercise makes you better, which is something I believe we should all be striving towards. You look better, you feel better, you hold your head a little higher, and internally you function at a higher level.

Oftentimes in relationships we look for ways to serve our partner, doing whatever we can to meet their desires and dreams. But if we don’t take care of ourselves first, how can we possibly handle the responsibility of another?

Please note: taking time to exercise is NOT a selfish act! In my personal and very biased opinion, it’s one of the best things you can do, and one of the most important ways you can serve your significant other.

By taking the time to take care of your physical body, you are showing your partner you care. You care to be healthy. To be around as long as possible. You show you want to be attractive for your partner, regardless of the aging process.

When you have children, you set a wonderful example of what a healthy couple looks like and why it’s important. You typically have less stress, and are able to deal with the stressor of everyday life in a much healthier way. And let’s be honest, when you’re in good physical shape, sex is just so much better!

Exercise doesn’t have to be an elaborate plan, just make time to do something regularly.

Plus, when possible workout with your spouse (word of warning guys, don’t try to train your wife…it never ends well!). It’s a great bonding experience and allows both of you to be vulnerable and struggle together. Which is another layer to create a healthy, BETTER, marriage.

Here is a simple workout you can do at home, with no equipment required. Using these 3 basic moves…squats, pushups, and situps…you can get an effective workout in just 20 minutes (and yes I realize it sounds like an informercial). Set a timer for 20 minutes. At the beginning of each minute, perform 5 squats, 7 pushups, and 10 situps. The faster you go, the more rest you’ll have in between rounds. Now go make it happen!

And if you’re interested in getting started on an amazing online 21 day program that covers numerous facets of health and wellness, both physical and mental, click here for details.

Aaannnddd GO!!

Marc “The Fitness Ninja” Zalmanoff has a Bachelor’s Degree in Kinesiology and has been in the fitness industry for the past 13 years. He currently operates his training business in Plano, TX, and offers online training and coaching as well. For more information about The Fitness Ninja and his services, visit www.fitness-ninja.com.

The Importance of Exercise for your Marriage is written by Corey from: Simple Marriage

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A FEW THINGS WE LOVE:

Source:The Importance of Exercise for your Marriage

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Beauty of a Woman Blog Fest 2015: Why We Need Sex Ed

Learn why men pull away, how to decode men, and know 3 secrets they won’t tell you! CLICK HERE

This year, we’re excited to be a part of August McLaughlin’s Beauty of a Woman BlogFest 2015. Not only does this online event celebrate collective female beauty and sexuality, but readers of this blog are also invited to go forth to read, learn and discuss. Not to mention- you’re eligible for prizes! Check it out!

 

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“Concealment makes the soul a swamp. Confession is how you drain it.”  -Charles M. Blow

 

To my mind, the most powerful reckoning we make in this lifetime is with our sexual selves. Rarely are we privileged to bear witness to this process in others, even our most intimate others. So, when a NY Times columnist has the courage to  disclose how an act of childhood sexual abuse slowly evolved into a complex, yet healing journey to sexual identity, I am in awe. In part, because childhood sexual abuse is so widespread, yet remains cloaked in a silencing shame. It is hard to know whether it is the original event itself that damages so many lives so thoroughly or the fact that so many harbor this secret shame alone. I know that what we refuse to look at, what remains hidden inside of us, and what is beyond our ability to speak of and process, grows more malignant with each passing year.

The horrors of childhood prostitution, sexual slavery, and worse still, sexuality, used as a weapon in war zones across the world are all reflections of the deep and pervasive ignorance of what it means to be sexual. Sexual injuries are generationaland many, if not most, sex offenders, especially of children were once sexually abused themselves. Nelson Mandela might not have been talking about sex when he said, “Education is the most powerful weapon you can use to change the world.” Yet, there may be no place in the human psyche that this is truer. Until we replace the burden of guilt and shame with the light of education, we will never be free from the darkness that distorts the truth and beauty of what it is to be a healthy sexual human.

This work of sexual education belongs to all of us. The primary questions that we ask about being sexual are the same throughout our lifetime. Questions like, “Am I normal?” “What is true?” and “Will it hurt me?” begin with our first inklings of our sexuality and evolve as we age. Giving ourselves and the children we know honest and developmentally appropriate answers to these questions with real vocabulary based on anatomical information is the beginning of a healthy relationship to one of the central aspects of our humanity. Education is the means by which we give children ownership of their own bodies, as well as the language to protect themselves against inappropriate sexual touch. Imagine a kid speaking up to a neighbor or distant relative saying, “What are you doing, you can’t touch me there…” or having the courage to report the abuse to someone who could help them. This is how education frees us and changes the trajectory of an entire life.

It is not just children who need and deserve evolving sexual education. Even under the best of circumstances in a consensual relationship between loving adults, the power and complexity of our sexual drive can overcome and confuse us. Our deepest passions expose us to what is most raw and uncensored within us. Even after all these years with my husband, I find myself sometimes covering my eyes, unable to look at him after where our sexual selves have journeyed. We are never too old to grow up sexually. As with any area of knowledge, our ability to understand our sexual selves. As with any area of knowledge, our ability to understand our sexual experience deepens and becomes real through listening to our curiosity and responding to it with meaningful education. There has never been a time that healthier sexual information is freely available than right now. As with most education, it is usually not for lack of information and resources that we don’t learn, but for want of an open and curious mind.

Source:Beauty of a Woman Blog Fest 2015: Why We Need Sex Ed

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Focus on the how not the what

Learn why men pull away, how to decode men, and know 3 secrets they won’t tell you! CLICK HERE

What is it that creates the intensity in certain conversations with your spouse?

What moves a conversation between two people from the issue at hand into personal meltdown?

Emotional reactivity.

But this isn’t all bad, emotional reactivity also turns out to be nature’s way of informing us of where we are on the path of emotional maturity (another way of thinking about growing up and differentiation).

One of the measuring tools for getting clear about how much growing up you have to do is time to reactivity – how quickly do you lose it?

How easy is it to push your buttons?

How many buttons do you have that can be pushed?

How often do you stoop to pushing your partner’s buttons – either to have it your way or just to keep them from having it their way?

Usually the issue (call it the what) triggers some difference between you and your spouse that creates tension – more for one spouse and less for the other. The more important the what is to you, the quicker you become emotionally reactive.

Your energy will be intensely focused on the outcome of the what – either by getting what you want, or by getting your spouse to validate your wants.

A major shift can occur when you “get it” – the what is actually an indicator of your emotional maturity.

At this point, you have two choices -

  1. use the issue as fertilizer to grow you up or
  2. bypass the opportunity for growth in order to stay comfortable.

It’s at this awareness level that you can turn your attention to howhow am I going to be in the intensity of this what?

To help, remember this:

  • Don’t attack.
  • Don’t defend.
  • Don’t withdraw.

If you can stay fully present and connected while under pressure, you’re on your way to some serious emotional growing.

A couple of caveats:

If you know you’re about to lose it, withdrawing may be necessary. In this case, it’s how you withdraw that matters. Tell your spouse what’s going on with you, what steps you’re going to take to be responsible for you, and when you plan to re-engage.

“I’m having a hard time calming myself down. I’m going to take a walk for 20 minutes. I want to finish this talk, but I want to do it from the best in me.”

Something to keep in mind – each person in a relationship has a range of positions about issues.

You want more sex – your partner wants less sex. You want to spend money – your partner wants to save money. You want a place for everything and everything in its place – your partner wants creative clutter. You may be neutral on some issues.

Think of these as high desire or low desire positions. In general, the one with the low desire has more control/power than the one with the high desire. If you’re happy with sex once a month and your partner wants sex three times a week, you get to have sex whenever you want it!

So the higher your desire about any issue, the more likely you are to be highly anxious and emotionally reactive over the outcome of the issue (the what). Read that sentence again.

This means that you have a greater responsibility to learn how to calm and soothe yourself around that what!!!

And if you’re the low desire partner on any issue, keeping yourself comfortable while watching your partner squirm is just another way the universe is trying to get your attention about taking your own shape.

(photo source)

Focus on the how not the what is written by Corey from: Simple Marriage

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A FEW THINGS WE LOVE:

Source:Focus on the how not the what

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Sex Without a Safety Net

Learn why men pull away, how to decode men, and know 3 secrets they won’t tell you! CLICK HERE

sexy13“All serious daring starts from within.” -Eudora Welty

 

Sex has become the gateway meeting. Driven by phone apps and new social conventions of myriad hook ups as a way to “get to know someone,” sex- the deepest intimate connection we have to offer to another human being has been turned on its head and is now shared among much of the millennial generation with little more regard than a meeting for a drink. Sometimes, it starts with meeting for a drink- but by and large the idea of reserving the revelation of our sexual selves for the safe confines of an intimate relationship is passé. Being a mother of 4 young adults, I frequently witness the havoc that this new version of sexuality wreaks on the budding erotic souls of our next generation.

While in Germany last week at an international organic trade show, one of the young women, an organizer of the event jokingly shared about her Tinder meetings in Paris. “This is the only way you can meet people” she said. For those who don’t know Tinder, the popular global app in which with only a photo to go on, people search for sex with a stranger. I tried to hide my surprise and dismay as this beautiful, accomplished young woman made light of the meetings that didn’t turn out as expected, but the pain behind her laughter was palpable.

As all of the old rules and rituals about how sexual relationships begin, evolve and sustain themselves fade, many young adults are left to deal with the emotional repercussions of sex gone wrong- frequently. Given the high percentages of failed relationships they witnessed growing up, their distrust of old models of courtship and committed relating is understandable. And yet, our sexuality, the most mysterious and vulnerable aspect of what makes us human, needs a container of trust and intimacy to open itself.

The safety net that makes sex great is woven out of the daily and seemingly small interactions that allow us to truly know each other and build trust. Sharing meals, taking turns in getting what we want, listening to the other figure out their own thoughts all contribute to making that deep dive into the search for orgasmic release safe but still exciting. When we are truly held by someone who has proven they care, we can really let go and see what our erotic urgings are made of. Without this, it’s all for show- and in the end, often resembles some form of violation.

Worse still, repeatedly searching for what we want for our hearts with our genitals makes us untrustworthy to ourselves. This remarkably common form of self-abuse limits our sexuality instead of enhancing it. Mating rituals matter, they are not nothing, arguably, they say everything about how loveable we are. And, as we repeatedly diminish the essence of mating rituals we lose sight of our own true lovability. Except when you are young, you don’t know to call it by this name, which drives you to try again.

We need each other and we need each other sexually. But separating the two, behaving as if the sex alone will do, is harmful and damaging to our vulnerable erotic souls. Having the guts to build a safety net to grow up sexually is daring and bold.

Source:Sex Without a Safety Net

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Relationships are easy

Learn why men pull away, how to decode men, and know 3 secrets they won’t tell you! CLICK HERE

DSC_8561Relationships are actually pretty easy.

I didn’t always believe this. In fact, I used to believe relationships are hard work.

I’ve written these very words many times.

You’ve probably even heard this phrase before.

It is often stated as a Truism in our society, and while I understand the sentiment … I’ve reached a point where I no longer buy it.

I do believe that relationships involve work, but hard work?

I’m not so sure.

I understand that intimacy in marriage challenges us in unique and specific ways, this is what makes marriage the people-growing machine it is.

But when I hear talk about the “hard work” required for a long-term relationship, I wonder if what they’re actually referring to is the difficulty of living with someone who’s immature or doesn’t live with integrity and authenticity.

Why would it be hard work to live with a mature, authentic grown up?

  • Wouldn’t you think people would treat the ones they love better over time, not worse?
  • Isn’t it logical to believe we’d be nicer to loved ones than we are to strangers?
  • Isn’t the idea of marriage to lighten our load, not add to our burden? And if it were the latter, why in the world would anyone sign up for something like this?

I fully get that we as humans all have flaws, and that our flaws and imperfections play out most in marriage.

Marriage is the playing field of the  “worst in us.”

The things like unrealistic expectations, avoidance, manipulation, pleasing, fear of intimacy, projection, and emotional reactivity.

But it is also these “worst in us” things that help create the people-growing machine of marriage.

At the same time however, I’ve seen some of the damage that can occur when people tolerate immature, angry, emotionally reactive, or unfaithful behaviors.

So how about this?

If your spouse is treating you badly, you play a role in it if it continually happens.

If you’ve been tolerating unavailability, or inconsiderate, hurtful, or even abusive behavior from your spouse, you’re partly to blame.

You’re either not leading, not setting boundaries, or you haven’t been willing to get to rejection. These are three essentials for a respectful, reciprocal, nurturing, and grown up relationship.

If you accept bad behavior from your spouse (and friends and family), you are likely to get bad behavior from them.

If you want a great relationship, you must stop “tolerating” anything less than loving, respectful behavior. Raise the bar, act accordingly yourself (i.e. be what you want to attract), and invite your spouse to follow you there.

If you want your marriage to keep getting better over time and lighten your load rather than add to your burden, you must take responsibility for both how you behave and for what behaviors you accept from your spouse.

At the end of the day, live according to this statement:

You teach people how to treat you.

Want more on this idea, we explore it and many other things in Married Life 911.

(photo source)

Relationships are easy is written by Corey from: Simple Marriage

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A FEW THINGS WE LOVE:

Source:Relationships are easy

Want to make your man commit willingly, gladly, and not pull away? Go CLICK HERE

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Testimonials – Hear what our clients and readers say about us.

Learn why men pull away, how to decode men, and know 3 secrets they won’t tell you! CLICK HERE

CA: Try just one call with Athol, and I can just about guarantee you that you will think he is damn near psychic.

He is incredibly easy to talk to, and his ability to identify things and intuit what is happening in yourself and your relationship that you would never pick up on yourself is staggering. I was gobsmacked at what he could cold read from my situation.

His time and knowledge is easily worth at least 10X what he charges.

If the time comes that I want counseling for any reason in the future, I will use Athol. One one hour session with him was far more effective than more than 20 counselor visits for me in trying to assess my marriage and myself and identify the true problems.

IM: The benefit I got from Athol’s coaching was not creating a to-do list and checking in every week on the to-do list. The benefit that I got from Athol was from his experience and intuition. Athol helped me see what is keeping me from meeting my potential socially and professionally and develop a strategy to remove these barriers. As with everything it takes practice and I am a work in progress. I am in a better place now, it does not matter if my relationship succeeds or fails I am confident that I will be happy either way because I have the sense that I am knocking down the barriers that are holding me back. I am very excited about the future.

MN: Coaching with Athol changed my life. I’d stalled on my master’s thesis and was miserably frustrated with my wife and myself. What Athol did was untangle a lot of day to day frustrations and unfinished work in both my house, day job and thesis. I got useful direction on what to focus on. I didn’t just get coached, I also felt mentored, which made a huge difference. Now I have a completed thesis and a better marriage.

N: Athol’s book has put my marriage into perspective. I no longer feel as if I have been taken hostage by my wife. I have been given a box of tools that give me the skills to approach the problem of not getting what I want in a positive and constructive manner. It also gives me the courage to acknowledge if I should continue or not. No more panic.

JQ: Athol, I think your books have a NYT Best Seller potential. Universal theme, easy to follow advice.

JH: Athol, I just wanted to let you know I have had phenomenal results taking your subtle suggestions… It is almost comical how well a few subtle changes are working. She is coming up to me in the middle of the day and showing affection. Complementing the way I look. These are a little out of the ordinary for the previous months. I am very pleased. She is extremely happy.

MF: You had said to me last summer that the energy blockage was all the way back there, with the failure to complete a degree. You could not have been more accurate. Within a week of learning his final grade he replaced the leaky faucet, made repairs in the bathroom, purged his wardrobe, wrote letters and on and on. It was amazing. When he finished a switch flipped and he’s not only soared on his own, but is actively moving into a leadership position without our relationship.

SM: Hi Athol, thanks for the summary! The coaching session was superb. I just finished reading the Primer and now I’m starting the MAP book. Gosh, I should have read these books 5 years ago.

SA: Do coaching if at all possible. Puts your MAP on steroids!

PT: Literally within the first 15 minutes of the first call Athol was able to point something out to me I had not considered an issue. He also gave us a tool to use that has been very effective at getting our marriage back on track.

SA: So far this whole MAP process has been really positive for me and it really has brought into focus areas that I need to work on. I know this whole experience will be well worth it for my marriage, my family, and most importantly myself. I am really looking forward to starting my 12-Week coaching program!

MS: It is my highest compliment to Athol Kay to say that coaching with him averted the divorce that appeared inevitable on the horizon. Out marriage has improved markedly since the low-point in Fall 2013, and continues to progress on a upward trajectory.

LL: Athol gives me a very clear action plan and very situation specific advice. As an aside, Athol has miraculous language translation gift and can understand woman brain as much as a woman. Men, and women, if you are confused, call Athol and he will set you straight. Athol doesn’t hold punches, but what everyone needs is to be told the truth. It’s the only way you can actually change what’s wrong.

JB: We made the move, we are in the new house, and we had sex in the hot tub. Things between us in our marriage are really good. I am am fairly sure that without the resource of MMSL and the coaching with Athol Kay we would not be in this place.

MA: My book is out. I’m a published author. Little happy dance. A huge thanks to Athol Kay, I doubt lazy me would have had enough confidence and tenacity to publish had you not encouraged me.

PI: Athol is really a wonder worker. Right now I’m dealing with a FIL who’s been hospitalized for a month with post-surgical delirium, a dying cat, an off the charts PA boss, chronic instability in my employer’s funding, a teething one-year-old and a stubborn preschooler. And that whole wife with no libido thing. After a call with him I feel pretty chill and positive about the future. I’ve said it before: I’m pretty sure he’s a witch.

AV: I’ve been mapping for 18 months or so, and gone from virtually nonexistent (1X year) to 6-8 per month, which is amazing, all by itself. Thanks Athol.

LV: I started my coaching sessions last fall, just wrapping up my 12-Week session last week. The improvements in not just my relationship with my wife but in my LIFE are nothing short of remarkable- because really, that’s what you’re working on with this program, with Athol’s coaching. You’re not trying to fix her, or even the relationship. You’re fixing YOU- and that affects everything you do. Athol’s got a very clear-cut approach to it as well- what are the biggest things you need to work on this week? What will give you the best return on your efforts? Focus on those few things this week, and see whether that focus needs to be shifted next week. More importantly, at least to me, is that he’s looking to give you the tools you need to do the work you need to be doing. His coaching disrupted the slow downward spiral I was on, and showed me how to start climbing again. This was well worth the investment of both money and time- I don’t feel that I need it anymore, but if I did, I’d sign up for another round of coaching in a heartbeat and I would STRONGLY recommend it to anyone who even thinks it might possibly be helpful for them. Do it. You won’t regret it. And you’ll learn how to make your life, yourself, better.

PB: Call. Athol. Now. It is so worth it. He saved my sanity.”

AB: Nowhere, in all the counselors and therapists and pastors we’ve talked to, has anyone given me anything to hold on to that kept me from drowning in hopelessness. You reached out in the coaching sessions and gave me tangible help, something to get up each day and do, that was more than theory and ideals and moralizing.

RH: If you find yourself “stuck” in various facets of your life, consider using the 12-Week MAP as a jump-start. It is a multidisciplinary, tailored approach that is accessible to anyone. As a coach, Athol will hold you accountable each week as you jointly set goals. Having gone through the program, don’t be surprised if you find the “attraction” part of the plan working on people besides your intended target, if you have one. As you follow through with your goals you will slowly gain the conviction that things will work out, thought it may not be in the way you expected. Very highly recommend for people in all sorts of situations.

KM: Athol is very insightful. He has cut through all the details of my complex situation, and analyzed what I need to work on. Sometimes his advice has surprised me. For example, one of my first assignments was to replace doors in my home that had been damaged by my ex-husband. Once the new doors were installed, I realized how those unpleasant reminders of the past had been draining my energy away from building a new life with my new husband. I also appreciate Athol’s tactful honesty. He was frank about how unattractive my “nice girl”/doormat behaviors are to a man…without hurting my feelings.

LI: The book is exactly what I need right now in my life. It has specifically helped me to see ways in which I am the vampire, not just the victim. Humbling, but truth often is.

WE: I think the advantage of the MAP book is that it saves you a whole lot of forum reading. This forum is pretty vast and can be a huge time sink for a newcomer. The book really focuses everything quite well on what matters for a plan of action. Also, I am into bullet points and steps and such, so I liked the quick pace.

SR: I’m exhausted from marathon sex last night!

Source:Testimonials – Hear what our clients and readers say about us.

Want to make your man commit willingly, gladly, and not pull away? Go CLICK HERE

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